i feel so broken

everything feels broken

i dont even know how to describe it .....

i feel like im trying to keep all the puzzle pieces together but they arent the same picture....

 man oh man i was in a sketchy place last time i wrote.

its been 48 days since we got married and it went beautifully . the day was perfect.  it all came together in the end .

i left my job at the glass company and now am back there after 6 weeks away. in hindsight i should have just had a conversation with my boss about how i was feeling and where i was mentally but i didn't and you live and learn.

not really much else to report ....we are going to be moving in November (not my fave time) so that's exciting. other than that we are just digging our way out of wedding bills and what not 

i feel better and calmer than i have in a very long time and i know some of that comes from not planning a huge life changing event but there is a peace over my life

till next time .... 

 im not sure how to label this post. im not even sure anyone reads this anymore. i think its more of an online journal to see where im at and look at back at how far ive come.

74 days till we get married. 75 days and it will all be over and life can go on.

if i knew before i started planning / saving what i know now i would have skipped it all and went away to get married.

i hate every part of it . its so stressful and frustrating. i dont think me and cory have fought so much in our entire relationship. i love him and want this marriage but the wedding is a whole other story....

i dont think i will write to much today as im not feeling great and its hard to look at the screen for too long. 

fingers crossed its not another stroke.....

update

well its been almost a year to the date that i have written. covid is pretty much over but not before both me and cory got it in april of 2022 and then i had a stroke shortly there after. it was pretty scary and i am still nervous about pains or forgetting things. 

we are still on track to be married in july of this year and let me tell you planning a wedding is one of the hardest, loneliest things i have ever done. am i excited? of course. do i wish i would have scaled back and not let tictok or social media influence me? of course. 168 days today we will say i do. 

 the dogs, dixie and memphis, are doing so well. dixie was a challenge the first year, we lost pillows and a couch and she ate a chair and a bottle of gorilla glue but now she is the sweetest thing. memphis has his days but when push comes to shove he will cuddle with her on the couch :) 

 my job is still going well, i was promoted to sales and retail manager and i run a crew of 4 techs and one office staff. there are good days and bad days and days that seem like they will never end but i do love it 

 im going to say i will write more but i think i forget that i have this blog where my thoughts go out into the internet world. i will boomark it and treat it like writing to an old friend or future me. 

 all the best.

2 years later...

 well its been almost 2 years since i wrote my last post.

its crazy to think the world turned upside down. all our comforts were taken away and we have to live with a "new normal" ( i still hate that phrase) 

in the almost 2 years since the pandemic started a little and a lot has changed.

a little in regards to the mis-information is still out there, people are still panicking and thinking the government and the health authorities aren't doing enough. we still wear masks, we still social distance but now we are vaccinated and boosted. 

in sask the rush are playing, the riders played but you have be fully vaccinated to attend - which i agree with. people are starting to say things will just peter out and it will go along the lines of the common cold come spring - who knows what fall will bring but lets cross that bridge / put the masks back on when the time comes.

a lot has changed in regards to me and cory getting engaged!  we are planning for July of 2023 *fingers crossed* 

ashton and tyler got married and so did kelsey and logan. kelsey is due to have a baby boy early march too!  i changed jobs , i took one with the same amount of money and waaaaaaaaaaay less stress - at least at this point.

all and all we just keep chugging along ... till next time :)