more on the move

the other day i wrote about leaving my old job and getting back on the sub list....well i have more to add to it (i had a slow day in an office the other day so i wrote a little bit more down)

i loved my old job; the people, the kids everything. i was very sad to leave. it was the first time in a long time that i actually loved going to work. i know that i meant to be in a school and so i just have to keep "paying my dues" until that time comes. you feel very invisible as a substitute; you come in, you do your job and then you leave. there is no support system there, you are very alone. right before i left the high school, people kept asking me "what are you going to do?", "how do you feel about leaving", i feel there is no choice, you do what you do and if you are meant to stay then awesome if not then that's fine to. sure i'm sad to leave but i've made some great friendships all of which i hope will continue no matter where i end up. 

it feels very bizarre to go into a different school everyday after being in the same one for the last four months but hopefully big things are around the bend and this is just another chapter waiting to be written.

struggling

You know lately I have been struggling with what to do. I recently went back on the sub list for my local catholic school board after being in the same place for four months. I miss where I was and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was back there; however in the last week I have gotten to go some really great schools, some that I have not been to before. So I guess it’s a big toss up, I love being part of that environment but could there be something better out there for me.

In keeping with this kind of thinking, my boyfriend and I have been together for just over three years and I cant help but think is this what I really want…

I love him very much and did once think that we would last forever but with the same issues always bringing us to fight, is it really worth it any more? I started to think that he has been the first serious boyfriend ever, I mean I had a boyfriend (my very first) and we were on and off for about two years, I’m not sure where I’m going with this I think I need to just get my thoughts out on paper or whatever. It pains me to think that we may never get married and have a house and kids and the whole nine yards but I guess that’s a chance I have to be willing to take. We have been through so much together, since we’ve started dating or whatever you call it after over three years together, I have lost two grandparents and gained a nephew and so how do I let it all go? Can I really walk away from it all? I am going to work at my childhood lake this summer and maybe it’s for the best but then again maybe not. Things are already rocky so how much worse is it going to get?