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27 times more certian

The last time I wrote I wrote about being happy….well I’m not anymore…ive thought long and hard about it and I just don’t see a future with him.

Its not that I want to be with anyone else, I just don’t want to be with anyone at all. Looking back #1 we moved really fast and #2 I was so good on my own , I think with the changes that are happening in my life I just want to enjoy them and soak them all in not have them tainted by the memory of someone who used to make me happy.

I did that with THE EX and I want to enjoy my time with my family and friends and maybe someday I will be ready but I don’t think that day is now…..

how

how can it be so messed up?
what did i do to fuck my karma up so bad that i dont get to be happy?

ive been trying to figure it out for so long and everytime i feel i get close i hit a massive brick wall

why? why me? what did i do wrong?

i dont know how much longer i can be strong before it all breaks down.....

like attracts like

so as you can tell by my last post ive been feeling pretty low lately, work and love and the stress of both are starting to get me down but today my friend told me about the secret. ive been doing some reading and listening and ive decided to give it a shot i mean really what do i have to loose at this point.
their big thing is that you get back what you put out. so im going to put out a letter of forgiveness to my former boyfriend. im not going to send it or let him see it. i will post it here so that ya'll can read it and follow me on my journey to a better happier life

dear,
for a long time i was very angrey with you for ending things the way you did. i was so sure of our future together that for a long time i truley belived it would still happen. i know now that it wont. you have moved on and im honestly jelous. i have been very scared for a long time that i would get hurt again like you hurt me. i built walls so high that now i have a hard time getting out let alone let anyone in.

i forgive you, i forgive the fact that you tore my world apart. i forgive hating you for wanting to be happy. i was selfish to my needs in front of yours at the time. you were amazing and im sorry i didnt apprecitate you when i had you but i fully in my heart of hearts belive that if it wasn't right between us then it wouldn't be right between us now.

i release you from my guilt i put on you. i have been broken but now its time to take a risk and take a leap again. i may sore or i may shatter but at least i took the jump. you are no longer in control of my happiness. you are no longer in control of the pursuit of the love i know i deserve. im taking back that control. no longer will my fear of that hurt control how i live my life.