step in the right direction

so as ive written in the past i have a huge crush on a guy who works in my building but am such a chicken shit that i haven't made a move...well today that all changed.

as it goes today was his last day with the company he worked for so he came into our office bout 445 and him and my boss sat around bullshitting til bout 500 when we all shut down and just kinda sat and talked,... i know i know get to the point...well my boss started to go on this big tangent bout how he didn't have my number so i gave it to him with Kyle sitting there and didn't really think anything of it so then he is like oh Kyle do i have your number (i know damm well that he did cause he showed me his phone one day) anyway i was getting to walk out the door and my boss looks at me and i knew by the look on his face, he was up to something so he proceeds to tell me that Kyle asked him for my # so he gave it to him and if he was down in the parking lot when i went down there to do with it what i wanted so i made my move...he was down in the parking lot and so i invited him to a Halloween party that Sam is having and he said that he would probably come and so we exchanged numbers...he asked what i was gonna be and i said that he would have to show up to see and so he said what should i be, i was like well what are your options and he said auctioneer or cowboy and so i said go with the cowboy cause it works for you and with that and a wink i walked away feeling pretty damm good bout my self..

im sooooooooooooooo excited !!!! and i really hope he comes to the party the only thing that sucks bout it all is that he is moving to Yorkton to work construction...i really really like him and whatever happens, happens...fate likes to mess with me so im letting go and letting baba and grandpa take care of it all i mean dont get me wrong i will do what i do best but ya :) im sooooo excited !!!

OMG sooo cute and soooo funny

French Bulldog Can't Roll Over - watch more funny videos

monday morning confessions

Well what an interesting weekend….this bullshit with James has got to stop !!! I know that I said I was ok with it but im not and let me tell you why.
At 230 am on Saturday, I got a phone call from him that went a little something like this:
Him = come to the bar
Me= no its 230 im not coming
Him = well if you don't come we cant make out
Me = we aren't gonna make out anyway
(I don't think he heard me) Him = if you don't come we cant cuddle
Me = last time we did that you said it was a mistake
Him = well ive thought a lot about it since then and I think we should sit down and talk alone
Me = ok well if you wanna talk you can call me in the morning
That was it or so I thought…I got another phone call after that and it was pretty similar convo to the first and then another phone call about ½ hour after the second one and that one I just let ring. I found out the next day that he ran into a friend of mine so that's probably what prompted the calls. I dunno what he is sudden need to talk was all about but enough is enough, I need to get in touch with him and not at 3 in the morning and just lay it all out on the line and its all or nothing cause I cant do this with him anymore. For the record, he never called me yesterday but I did call a couple times last night but it just rang and then went to voicemail, I didn't leave a message.

why do i blog???

i have spent a little time this afternoon looking at the blogs i follow and the blogs of note here on blogger and im just wondering whats the point of me blogging...no one reads me, i know i shouldnt care about that and just blog to get my thoughts and my virtual voice out there but i look at these blogs that are for lack of a clever word awesome !!!

for exaple.... The Rest is still unwritten is nothing short of amazing, his thoughts on life, love and the lack of are so honest and raw.....because i amuse myself is so real, i dont know how else to say it, she just puts it out there, just random little thoughts on everyday life.

i dont do any of that, i just whine about boy troubles and well not much else...i dunno i guess im just questioning everything these days and am just fustrated about where i am in my life and where i think i should be....

Country roads take me home…

I have been thinking about what I want out of life lately and I really wanna settle down with a good guy and live on a farm and raise horses and have dogs and just live the simple life. My mother once told me that she dosent care what I do with my life as long as I don't marry a farmer and lately that's all I want to do. Its so weird I never thought I would want to live on a farm considering I grew up on one and was 45 min from any sort of civilation, but I don't know maybe the fact that I've been running from it for so long brings me full circle and I start running back to it.

Plus I'm really over sitting in traffic…I mean it took me like 45 min to get home last night (normally its like 25-30 min) so really not that much long its just dumb drivers in this city and I mean if you are gonna change into my lane then move your ass.

Maybe I just need to take a trip home and recharge my batteries….

monday morning confessions

i was a very good girl over the weekend.

fri= not much happend, although my roomate added Kyle to her fbook and he accepted and so i creeped and learned a few things about him...a) he likes to fish b) he likes to hunt c) he has a big big truck for 4-wheeling d)he smokes e) he is 2 years younger than i am f) he has a puppy....OMG sooo cute in all his pics and ya i think i like him even more now for the hunting and fishing :) not a fan of the smoking but that is something that can be changed

sat= me and Sam went out to the local "country" bar and i say it like that for a reason, i'm soooo not impressed with the quality of the music. they did have a country band but in between sets they played rap and rock and all that bullshit...this is why i looooove the "twig", the only non-country song they play is crazy bitch at 130 am on a saturday night. although the night wasnt a total waste, i did two-step with a very cute irish guy, loooving the accent anyway we danced, talked a little, gave him my number and called it a night. i didnt even kiss him :) which im really proud of, another step in the right direction :)

so ya we will see if he calls or not and im not really expecting him to and im ok with it if he dosent its just nice to get out there.

give it up and let it go

its been 3 weeks and i think im over my crush....i like him but im an old fashion girl and he was interested in me then i would think he would step up and ask me out or whatever...i mean i still like him and think hes a cool guy and would like to get to know him better but its not worth it to worry about how to act around him. so whatever lets chalk it up to "he's just no that into me" and i will move on with my life and if something down the line happens i will post about it and if not then thats ok to.

on the James front...i went out to his place on sunday against all of my better judgement, we watched "love actually" and i came home around 3am, mind you i didnt go out there till almost 12pm so ya...ive become very aware of the kind of realtionship we have and that it only happens when its convient for him and im ok with that because sometimes i just need that company in my life and i will be very curious to see what happens if/when i start dating someone...will he walk away all together or step up when faced with loosing me out of his life altogether again?

i guess we will wait and see on everything....

2 months, 2 weeks and 4 days….

And I will be drinking margaritas, laying on the beach in CANCUN !!!! I might have alluded the fact that I was going but now I can tell everyone cause work knows. I’m soooo stoked !!!
We are going fro 2 whole weeks. We are also going to Cozumel for part of the trip and with all the snow this past long weekend, I’m about over it and ready for a holiday.

Pic of our hotel in Cancun.

Speaking of the long weekend, it was amazing. Short and sweet but amazing. Its crazy how much I missed my family and the best part of was that Friday night when me and mom got home, we went in the house and are being very quite cause J should have been sleeping cause it was like 1030 well he wasn’t cause the moment the door closed we hear these lil footsteps coming running from the back bedroom and as soon as he saw me he gave me the biggest hug and wow best moment ever. I love hugs like that from him cause you know he is genuinely excited to see you and happy you are there.
Like the time he gave me a hug at baba’s funeral, you know those are the true moments of love. In that case people are hugging you and saying sorry and you know they are but it dosent bring her back but when I got that hug from J, everything just seemed like it was going to be ok.

Anyway enough sad memories, this post is supposed to be exciting and it is….i’m super pumped but its hard to tell who is more excited, me and brother for finally getting to go to Mexico or my parents for getting to see us have this amazing experience.

Snow falling on bullshit

i know the tittle of my blog is a little weird but once you get to the end of this post you will understand.

first with the snow...it started snowing here last night which is a far cry from when only 16 short days ago it was +35 as we always say "dont like the weather wait 5min it will change"...i took a pic of what it looked like as i walked out of my house this am...



Three o'clock in the mornin when the telephone started ringin
I had a feeling it would be you
now the bullshit...i woke up this am to 2 missed calls and 3 texts from James, apparently he was at the local country bar and with the snow, no cabs were to be had
so i crossed his mind at some point and he thought it would be a good idea to call me. i didnt answer any of the calls or the texts but its the point of the matter. i cant be friends when its convenient for him. whatever so thats the bullshit im dealing with.

as far as my new crush (Kyle) goes i dunno what to do...i figure if he likes me he can be a man and step up and ask me out but then again i did bake cookies last night and im debating taking some down to his office hahaha. oh and my roomate creeped on him on facebook and was gonna message him but acidently added him as a friend so we will see.

Me...in a nutshell

i must say that i copied and pasted this after i read this, it fits me to a t

Aquarius Woman
Inconsistency and confusion describe the characteristics profile of an Aquarius female. The same goes for her love life too. She is very loyal, but at the same time, she is also a little detached and not extremely emotional. She will be committed and remain faithful too, but do not try to bind her. Let her enjoy her freedom and in return, she will come back to you when she gets tired of her expeditions. Her dreams are very different from that of a normal female and she hums a different tune, which most of us have not even heard of.

An Aquarian female is like a butterfly, which sits on every flower, but belongs to none. She loves her freedom and if you can accept this, she will love you even more. Within her boundless limits, her love will also be limitless. Position and power matter to her more than money and bank balance. If you want her to fall in love with you, be true and honest, not only to others, but also to yourself. You don't need to follow her rules. You can form your own code of ethics, but be sure to live by them.

Passion is not one of the personality traits of Aquarian girl. Rather, her love will be subtle and unassuming. She is intense, but may prefer to be platonic most of the time. Hosting as well as attending parties comes naturally to her and she will always be a social delight. She will trust you completely and will not be unduly suspicious of your activities. You will also not be bothered by too much jealousy or possessiveness on her part. Her trust arises from the fact that before committing, she had dissected your behavior under a microscope.

Only after being convinced of your integrity did she take the next step. Still, if you become unfaithful to her, she will be extremely hurt and is likely to remember the wound for a long time. With an Aquarian female, out of sight means out of mind too. So, make sure to be around here always. She has a very strong will power. If she thinks the relationship is not working and has no chances of improving also, she will break it right away; though doing so may tear her heart into two pieces. Like every Aquarian, she will remember her first love throughout her life.

It's no use getting upset, better be the first love in her life. She will never ever be dishonest in a relationship and even if she indulges in an extra-marital affair, it will end before it even started. She will always try to know your deepest thoughts and secrets, but her own dreams will be beyond your reach. Conversing with an Aquarian female is usually a delight because of her charming manners. Her mind is quite unpredictable and you will find it hard keeping track. She will live in the present, then suddenly be wistful about yesterday and then, become enthusiastic about tomorrow.

She may talk about fairies one day and discard elves as humbug, the other. Never look down on her or she might never look upto you. She respects you and will expect the same in return. As mothers, Aquarian women tend to be very loving and caring. Though in the beginning, they may be a little nervous about the whole idea of motherhood. But once they become comfortable with it, it will come to them naturally. An Aquarius female may find it difficult to express her love in the form of hugs and kisses and you will have to teach her that. She will never overburden the kids with protection.

At the same time, she will always be a patient listener to their childhood and adolescent problems. Teaching them discipline will also be your responsibility. However, for all this to happen you will have to convince her to get married and this certainly isn't an easy job. You will also have to teach her romance, since expressing emotions does not come too easily to her. She will happily hold your hand and walk besides you, but don't expect her to gaze into your eyes for hours at a stretch.

Don't smother your Aquarian girl with too much closeness, she needs her space and will give you, yours too. Things like suspicion, possessiveness, chauvinism and criticism turn her off. Just be nice to her odd bunch of friends and she will warmly welcome yours into the house. Make use of her intuition and insight, it may help you in solving a problem or two. It may seem like wishful thinking now, but then, remember she looks in the future. Hold her hand and she will let you see the future too, where both of you are cozily living together!

monday morning confessions

i am very proud of myself for my actions this past weekend. i went out with a few friends on saturday night and got drunk to just let go of all the stress in my life as of late and being hit on and thus making out with this guy. we danced and whatever hung out all night and then at the end of the night i left with him...now you are probally wondering whats the difference between this any other time she has left with a guy well let me tell you...we get to his place and are making out on his bed and it was like a light went off and i realized that i could either stay and follow through with what we all know was gonna happen or i could remove myself and walk away from yet another mistake so thats what i did...i said i need to leave so he called me a cab and i went home and woke up feeling like crap (cuz of drinking so much) but mentally and emotionally i felt pretty damm good.

i did think of calling H or JD but i didnt so i feel pretty good about where im at with all this, now this is just one time in a long line of mistakes but at least its a start and the truth will be seen if i go out and drink and whatever again and remove myself which im pretty sure i will do cause once i make my mind up about something there is no talking me out of it.

What do i do ????

I have a really big crush on this guy who works in my building (we don’t work for the same company) and I’ve never met a guy out of the bar (maybe reason I’m still single) so I don’t know what to do….like how do I approach him??? I mean we make small talk in the cafeteria and hallways but I don’t want to let him pass me by and I just don’t know what to do I’ve never been in this situation before….he makes me nervous and giddy and I just get flustered around him...i don't wanna ask him for coffee cuz if he shoots me down then it will be awkward, mind you the building is big enough for me to avoid him till we move offices in like a year but then again i guess its better than not knowing....i just havent felt like this in awhile...i dont know how to flirt sober !!!!