songs like this

its all over with joker.

i messaged him sunday night and he was online monday am and i never got anything back so i called him today around 230 and its now 745 and nothing so i messaged him online and said:

so i just wanted to message you and say it was nice talking to ya but im not playing games so you need to find another girl to do that with. maybe you are dealing with alot right now but maybe not since you havent given me a reason to think other wise. so have a good one and later.

i dont need to played and if he messages me then i will just tell him he missed the boat, i cried twice over him and thats too many times for someone i havent even met. i deleted him from my phone, my msn and my online profile.

it is what it is....im disapointed cause i thought it could be something really great but 3 strikes you're out....i deserve better than that. if i hear from him i will post again but i kinda hope i dont cause i dont wanna deal with it, im emotionally exhausted from it all.

life after you

its been one year today since my whole world came crashing down. i dont feel any better, i mean maybe a little bit but .... i just wish there was pill to make it all better and make me forget what happened and how im feeling right now....i hate the fact that a year later i still feel like this....i dont miss him, i miss having someone there, i miss that compainonship....the fact that things arent really working out with joker (name is kinda fitting now) might have something to do with how i feel right now....im disapointed that i put myself out there and i dont feel like things are ever gonna happen with him and maybe i just need to take that as a sign that its not ment to be or that he's just not that into me...i mean if he ever shows up at my door good lord i think i will faint...but im not holding my breathe , i mean he says he wants to hang out but i dont believe him and to make it all worse B and C bet on the fact that he wouldnt show up....im sooooo fuckin pissed at both of them !!! i would never to that do either them even if i was joking about it.....whatever i guess it just goes to show what kind of friends they really are.

ever ever after

Sam got married !!!

so now she is offically a wife(that feels weird to type)
it was an amazing wedding, filled with love and laughter.  i love them both very much and am so happy they met and made the choice to begin a wonderful life together :)

side note = joker apologized on msn the day after st.patty's day (which i still dont really believe his whole story but whatever) anyway we are gonna try and go for supper tomorrow so we will see how it goes and if it happens at all...i will keep ya updated.

tumblin tears

so im done with mr.joker.

to make a long story short, he said he would come out for st.patty's day and after no answer to my texts, i tried callling only to find out that his phone was off and im done....3 strikes your out

however once i got home from st.pattys day drinking and fueled by too many double captian and cokes i sent him this little message

you know our little date isnt gonna happen on tuesday cause you need to give me a reason to believe anything you say cause im not gonna be a little webcam whore for you, if thats all you want then you need to find another girl to fuck around cause its sure as shit not gonna be me


well if that dosent send a clear message i dont know what will.....and whats the worst that could happen right, like i said he is out of my life just a fast as he came into it and i move on, its really not gonna make things any worse cause im soooooooooooooo done playing these bullshit games.

dont worry.....i'll let you know what happens

actions speak louder than words

He messaged me back on the dating site….he said he didn’t get home till Monday night and maybe we can hang out tomorrow (which is now today)


so yesterday I get a text in the early afternoon from joker, just kinda like hey what’s up so we continue to text and whatever so he tells he is coming into the city for his bday and wants to know when we can hang out (third time since we started talking that he’s mentioned this) so I said why don’t I buy him a bday drink at this bar that is close to my friends place so he’s all like oh that’s where me and my buddies are going and yes maybe the next thing wasn’t the smartest idea on my part but I was like oh well why don’t me and my friend just meet you there later and he said ok he will text me if they leave so whatever … anyway to make a long story short I never heard from him for the rest of the night and ya maybe he got drunk and just forgot so I texted him around 1030 and said have a happy birthday im gonna call it a night, I also took in an step further and messaged him on the online dating site around 1230 and said hope ya had a good bday maybe we can get it together enough to meet up one of these days.

I mean what’s the worst that could happen??? He doesn’t return my texts or messages and is out of my life just as fast as he came into it….I just don’t care….im over it….im just hurt that I put myself out there and made every effort to hang out and he cant nail down plans so now this is strike two so as far as im concerned strike 3 and you’re out cause he is not gaining any points in my book with this bullshit behaviour. If he texts me again and asks to hang out im gonna say pick a day, pick a time and pick me up then sit around in my sweats till he actually comes to the door cause it will be his last chance !!!!