life after you

its been one year today since my whole world came crashing down. i dont feel any better, i mean maybe a little bit but .... i just wish there was pill to make it all better and make me forget what happened and how im feeling right now....i hate the fact that a year later i still feel like this....i dont miss him, i miss having someone there, i miss that compainonship....the fact that things arent really working out with joker (name is kinda fitting now) might have something to do with how i feel right now....im disapointed that i put myself out there and i dont feel like things are ever gonna happen with him and maybe i just need to take that as a sign that its not ment to be or that he's just not that into me...i mean if he ever shows up at my door good lord i think i will faint...but im not holding my breathe , i mean he says he wants to hang out but i dont believe him and to make it all worse B and C bet on the fact that he wouldnt show up....im sooooo fuckin pissed at both of them !!! i would never to that do either them even if i was joking about it.....whatever i guess it just goes to show what kind of friends they really are.