maybe a wrong turn can take u where u are ment to be...

i've been doing alot better since i last wrote... oh who am i kidding that is a total lie hahaha i write here to be honset with what im feelinga and thinking and if im lying here then im lying to myself and i really need to stop that and start being honest with with how i feel and what i want....there are good days and bad days im starting to realize that the move may have been the best thing in the greater sense of the word, im starting to starting to feel the reality of what a big step it was

ive had a few breakdowns since i last wrote and maybe i am just questioning my reasons for moving down here...i cant always be running away can i ?

i'm ready to start my new job tomorrow and maybe thats part of the reason ive been feeling so lost is that i have really no reason to get up and get going in the morning but i hope that will change. i'm really nervous, i mean im nervous at the start of any new job but it makes me more nervous to think this is it, im starting to put down roots and while i believe this is a good thing...i dunno i think i just have some hesition because starting a job makes it real all over again but then again maybe this is a sign of things to come like im starting to get my shit together and starting to put my life back on track.

on the relationship side of things, i did hang out with JD last week and maybe again tonight but after the last little bit i dont know if thats what i really want either...i think i need to take a step back from it all and really let myself feel the end of things with C and up until now i dont think ive really let myself do that

it hasnt been a fun place to be emotionally and mentally these past few months but maybe now that i realize what i need to do the fog that ive been living in will start to lift and something amazing will come along b/c if it did right now i dont think i would know because im not in the right state of mind to accept whatever it would be....in saying this do i believe the worst is over? yes, do i believe that there wont be anymore days that i wont miss him with all that i am ? no, do i think that im getting stronger because of it all ? yes

ive said it before and i will say it again i just have to keep taking it day by day and breath by breath, step by step and it will work itself out in the end.

"good things fall apart so better things can fall together"