well i had a great long weekend at home, got to go to the cabin one last time and see my nephew,J once more before thanksgiving cause thats probably the next time i will be home...my mom and my geido gave me some cash to keep me going till the end of the month ($20 of which i spent last night on supper with JD (whole other story) )
so ya all and all it was a pretty sweet weekend other than driving 4 hrs and 45 min home and back by myself and the cold weather but what are you gonna do i mean it is sept.
i did have a breakdown on saturday night cause mom started asking me all about my job and where i'm gonna get $$$ from and what not and i just started crying cause sometimes i look at where i am and look at where i could be and i wonder where did i go wrong??? where did i turn left when i should have turned right??? i'm just wondering if i will ever get it together ???? maybe there are things in my life that i could have done differently but would i be the same person i am now if that was the case....
don't get me wrong i am happy with my job and the way things have happened since the end but do i wish things would have stayed the same? of course... could it have been worse ?? oh yea
i dunno i'm just in a weird mood today....on to JD, i'm just gonna leave things be with him and if he is nothing more than a distraction till something better comes along then so be it but if in time i get to a better place mentally and emotionally and someting becomes of whatever it is that we are doing now then awesome but if we stay friends i'm really ok with that as well....
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