more confused than ever

Oh what a weekend….i am more confused than ever after the events of this past weekend.

Friday night I had a date with D, who I meet online and have been texting for just a lil over a month, and it went really well. We have a lot in common and I dunno I guess it kind of goes into my next issue….Saturday night I met up with JD at a bar ( I did go out with DP for her bday party but she was heading home so I told him I would come meet him) so ya we danced and drank all night and 2 of his buddies came up top me and asked me what the deal was with us…I mean what are we in high school like have some balls and come ask me yourself anyway to make a long story short he came home with me for a lil sleepover ;) hahaha and I basically poured my heart out to him, saying that my feelings for him haven’t changed in the last 4 years and that I;ve missed him and ya now my only problem is that we were both pretty drunk so im not really sure if he remembers me saying anything but he did tell me he likes me too and likes the way he feels when he;s around me…

So I talked to B last night and she said that I just need to take him out for coffee and just lay it all out on line again because what I really have to loose at this point? I guess I’m just scared because if I do say all this then I run the risk of not having him in my life at all but I cant keep doing what I’m doing with him, its not fair. He is almost preventing me from dating anyone else….i just feel like i am in this really grey area with him and I’m more confused than ever and this bullshit needs to stop. We either need to be friends or be in a relationship, we cant be friends with benefits because I’m too emotionally invested and there is too much history there and worse case scenario, I will loose him out of my life and like B said I did just fine for 3 years without him in my life and I did just fine so I could do it again if need be and if I pour my heart out to him and he shuts me down then at least I will know because I’ve been screwed around before and I don’t want to do that again with JD.