November 22, 2009

the long goodbye

fri night my phone started ringing at 2am and i knew it was James. i was expecting him to call since i texted him that i was leaving at the end of the month. anyway i pick him up from the bar and we came back here and watched spongebob. he started to get all sentimental bout when we used to watch it together when we were together. we went to bed and cuddled and he said that he felt so safe and loved with me, it might have been the whiskey talking but it was nice to hear all the same. i asked him why when im sure he has more than one girl in his phone does he call me, he said he never really thought about it and he knew that i would always be there for him.

as much bullshit as i have gone through with him in that last few months i am gonna miss him. he was gone out of my life for 3 yrs and now that he is back in it, it makes me sad that he wont be just a cab ride away. i know i cant stay here for him and hold out hope that we will be together one day because if its ment to be then we will find our way back to each other, we did it once so maybe we can do it again. part of me wishes he would open his eyes and see the great thing thats right in front of him but i cant wait forever, i got over him once i can do it again. he will always be the one that got away and there is nothing i can do to change that.
i guess im just in sad place cause i thought i started to build a nice little life for myself here and in a moment that all changed.

 i was happy and now i just feel so lost again.....

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