trying it sober for awhile...

he never came to the party and i think i may have fucked it all up.

he called at 6pm and said that his buddies bought him a ticket on a pub crawl so he wasnt gonna be able to make it. i went to Sam's and no one was coming to her party so my other friend Dani texted me and asked me if i wanted to come to the bar so i said yes and Sam got mad at me cause i was leaving her "party" but come on im 24 and single and looking sexy so why would i stay there with her and her fiance. i went to the bar drank and danced and called Kyle at like 2am (which i totally regret but i dont remember doing it till today cuz my boss said that he mentioned something to him on sunday) anyway James showed up and left and then i went down hill and just wanted to go home so i went with Dani and a guy she picked up to eat bfast and called James to come get me, which he did and im kinda surprised bout that but whatever he slept over (just slept, nothing happend) and ya that was my halloween.

i think im cursed when it comes to that holiday cause i always set out with the best of intentions and things just fall apart. im staying home next year.

speaking of staying home, im gonna cut back in my drinking cause nothing good comes of it. i mean Kyle probally thinks im pshyco for calling at 2am and i really wanted to make a good impression on him and not let him see that side of me...as far as James goes, we have an understanding and thats just what it will be unitll i get strong enough to walk away from him once and for all...

i feel bad, emotionally, mentally and physically.