Monday Confessions

So you know how I had this huge crush on RK well that’s all over with. MB, AH and I all went out a cabaret on Saturday and he was there but was hitting on this other girl all night and kind of didn’t really want anything to do with me so whatever I drank and danced the night away even ran into a few people I hadn’t seen in a really long time like MO but more on that later.
Towards the end of the night AG comes up to me and says that he knows what happened between me and RK and starts to tell me that the next day when everyone asked him what happened he said nothing, now I didn’t really want him to go bragging about it but why lie and say nothing happened so whatever … so I tell AG that I felt really bad about how it all went down when he was putting in all the work and being all nice and hitting on me then RK just swoops and and takes over like, he said that its just the way he is; however he then tells me that RK told him that it was payback for AG doing the same thing to him like 2 months ago or something !!! I was so fucking pissed!! I mean why be like that? I’m soooo mad that I got played like that. Its just bullshit!!! Whatever so that put a real quick end to my crush on RK, I don’t need that kind of drama and games in my life right now so what did I end up doing…taking AG home for the night and one little bonus to that is that I get to go go-carting on Sunday cause I have never been and he offered to take me J

This brings me to another point; I woke up Sunday morning feeling pretty low and bad about how things have gotten out of control with my behavior. I have been with 6 guys since my breakup and I don’t know why. I think I drink so that I don’t have to deal with the fact that CS has a new gf and then drinking leads to the bad choices I have been making…I don’t know its just hard to be alone and I really do think that I am trying to fill that void that I still have in my life…I need to stop and think and stop trying…I just feel so lost with it all. I thought I was doing alright but B said that I need to have huge reality check cause this can’t continue because I will never find what I want or need.

Now all about MO….We went on a couple dates back when I was going to university and that was it until one day I was creeping on facebook and found him and added him as a friend…we exchanged numbers and are going to go for drinks to catch up and remember old times, he has a gf but I’m glad that I can him back in my life cause I thought were really good together and can be great friends.