maybe a wrong turn can take u where u are ment to be...

i've been doing alot better since i last wrote... oh who am i kidding that is a total lie hahaha i write here to be honset with what im feelinga and thinking and if im lying here then im lying to myself and i really need to stop that and start being honest with with how i feel and what i want....there are good days and bad days im starting to realize that the move may have been the best thing in the greater sense of the word, im starting to starting to feel the reality of what a big step it was

ive had a few breakdowns since i last wrote and maybe i am just questioning my reasons for moving down here...i cant always be running away can i ?

i'm ready to start my new job tomorrow and maybe thats part of the reason ive been feeling so lost is that i have really no reason to get up and get going in the morning but i hope that will change. i'm really nervous, i mean im nervous at the start of any new job but it makes me more nervous to think this is it, im starting to put down roots and while i believe this is a good thing...i dunno i think i just have some hesition because starting a job makes it real all over again but then again maybe this is a sign of things to come like im starting to get my shit together and starting to put my life back on track.

on the relationship side of things, i did hang out with JD last week and maybe again tonight but after the last little bit i dont know if thats what i really want either...i think i need to take a step back from it all and really let myself feel the end of things with C and up until now i dont think ive really let myself do that

it hasnt been a fun place to be emotionally and mentally these past few months but maybe now that i realize what i need to do the fog that ive been living in will start to lift and something amazing will come along b/c if it did right now i dont think i would know because im not in the right state of mind to accept whatever it would be....in saying this do i believe the worst is over? yes, do i believe that there wont be anymore days that i wont miss him with all that i am ? no, do i think that im getting stronger because of it all ? yes

ive said it before and i will say it again i just have to keep taking it day by day and breath by breath, step by step and it will work itself out in the end.

"good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

starting to wonder

my last post was all about being in Rtown and starting to feel like its where im supposed to be but after the last little bit ive had i'm just not so sure anymore.....

i'm still jobless and i think thats the main thing that is stressing me out...i have less than $100 in my account so i'm starting to think desperate times call for desperate measures and ya maybe i havnt put all my effort into gettin a job but i have applied at more than 20 places so i just dont know what else to do except keep sending out resumes....i have some follow up calls to make tomorrow so hopefully i will get a lead off that....

i moved into my place and staying here feels like i'm home, its just so weird, although i must admit its a lil i dont wanna say awkward but nerve-wracking when the lady who owns the house is around just cause ive never lived with anyone that i didnt know first but oh well hopefully i will start working soon and things will be alright

i have a date with a boy i met online on thursday so i hope that goes good and whatever what is the worst that could happen???
me and JD are going no where, he texts me at random times with random questions so whatever im not putting any energy into that cause he knows how to get ahold of me, i just dont care anymore its just bullshit...

i'm in a weird mood today so i'm gonna sign off before i start rambling.....

right where i belong

well i have lived in Rtown for a few days now and i am loving it although i'm kinda choked at JD for two months all i heard form him was when are you coming to Rtown and what not and friday we were watching the local football game get their ass kicked but whatever he asked me to come over and i said no cause it was my first night in Rtown and i didnt wanna be the girl who ditched her friends for a guy again so i asked what he was doing sunday and asked if he wanted to go see this band that we both like play he said had a gift opening but maybe anyway me and SM and RB and CP went to SW's wedding saturday night so i texted JD at 3pm when we got back to town and asked if he still wanted to go and its now tuesday at like 5 and nothing so whatever i'm really upset cause its almost like he wanted me cause i wasnt here and now that i am nothing so whatever

on a better note i have a second interview for a job i really want, they interviewd 12 people, 6 yesterday and 6 today and now i'm getting called back with 4 other people for an interview on thursday and i'm really excited cause i think i would be really great at it and i want it so bad but i will just do what i can do and hope for the best, if im ment to be at that job then i will and if not then there is nothing i can do.

i move into my new place on the weekend and i'm starting to feel like Rtown is where i belong for this point in my life and as much as i dont like to be alone i really need to get my shit together before i get a bf but right now i'm not really sure i want one i just need to be on my own and find out who i am all over again and i think i'm starting to make progress on that front as well as getting over the bullshit that happend with C cause i'm still really bitter and its very apparent to everyone around me hahaha