right now my home-province team is playing in the grey cup (canada equvialant to the superbowl) and i really hope they win !!!!
with that out of the way, on to re-cap the last few days in my life....i moved home on wednesday and well the home stay was short lived cause at the "ass crack of dawn" (thanks whiskey girl) on thursday we got up to head down to minot, nd for black friday.
i have never been but my mom went last year and said it was just nuts and let me tell you for any canadains who have never been you dont know how crazy it is till you go....i mean old navy opened at 3am !!! can you belive that !!! anyway we were got up at bout 345 and was at target by 5am so after shopping hard for all the good deals for a couple hours we went back the hotel and unloaded and had bfast and headed back to the mall for more shopping.
all and all it was a really great trip and we got some amazing deals....today i just relazed at home and hung out with J for the am and when he left at noon, i just laid around in my sweatpants. so now that im home i plan to do a whole lot of nothing for the next 2 months but i dont really see that happening cuz i have to head back down to Rtown on the 9th and 16th for some heart stuff then it seems like it will already be christmas and then mexico bitches !!!!
November 29, 2009
November 22, 2009
the long goodbye
fri night my phone started ringing at 2am and i knew it was James. i was expecting him to call since i texted him that i was leaving at the end of the month. anyway i pick him up from the bar and we came back here and watched spongebob. he started to get all sentimental bout when we used to watch it together when we were together. we went to bed and cuddled and he said that he felt so safe and loved with me, it might have been the whiskey talking but it was nice to hear all the same. i asked him why when im sure he has more than one girl in his phone does he call me, he said he never really thought about it and he knew that i would always be there for him.
as much bullshit as i have gone through with him in that last few months i am gonna miss him. he was gone out of my life for 3 yrs and now that he is back in it, it makes me sad that he wont be just a cab ride away. i know i cant stay here for him and hold out hope that we will be together one day because if its ment to be then we will find our way back to each other, we did it once so maybe we can do it again. part of me wishes he would open his eyes and see the great thing thats right in front of him but i cant wait forever, i got over him once i can do it again. he will always be the one that got away and there is nothing i can do to change that.
i guess im just in sad place cause i thought i started to build a nice little life for myself here and in a moment that all changed.
i was happy and now i just feel so lost again.....
as much bullshit as i have gone through with him in that last few months i am gonna miss him. he was gone out of my life for 3 yrs and now that he is back in it, it makes me sad that he wont be just a cab ride away. i know i cant stay here for him and hold out hope that we will be together one day because if its ment to be then we will find our way back to each other, we did it once so maybe we can do it again. part of me wishes he would open his eyes and see the great thing thats right in front of him but i cant wait forever, i got over him once i can do it again. he will always be the one that got away and there is nothing i can do to change that.
i guess im just in sad place cause i thought i started to build a nice little life for myself here and in a moment that all changed.
i was happy and now i just feel so lost again.....
November 19, 2009
so damm easy to add up all the pain
as of tues at lunch i am no longer at my job.
im moving home till we get back from mexico and then back to stoon for feb 1.
am i happy i crashed and burned here in regina? of course not
do i feel like that last few months have been a waste? not entirely, i mean emotionally and mentally i think im better b/c of it but moneywise it was probally one of the worst choices i could have made.
when me and Sam were fighting, she wrote me an email saying that i needed to get my life together....well i had my life together and it got shattered into a million pieces and i felt so very lost but i belive that ive done and am doing the very best that i can to pick up all those pieces and make them fit again.
is it always gonna be bright and shiney ? no its gonna be dark and messy and im gonna hit some high highs and some low lows but i have to have faith that it will all work out b/c if i dont have faith then what am i really fighting for. i dont think it will be easy to live in stoon but thats a bridge i will have to cross when i get there b/c i cant keep running anymore.
im moving home till we get back from mexico and then back to stoon for feb 1.
am i happy i crashed and burned here in regina? of course not
do i feel like that last few months have been a waste? not entirely, i mean emotionally and mentally i think im better b/c of it but moneywise it was probally one of the worst choices i could have made.
when me and Sam were fighting, she wrote me an email saying that i needed to get my life together....well i had my life together and it got shattered into a million pieces and i felt so very lost but i belive that ive done and am doing the very best that i can to pick up all those pieces and make them fit again.
is it always gonna be bright and shiney ? no its gonna be dark and messy and im gonna hit some high highs and some low lows but i have to have faith that it will all work out b/c if i dont have faith then what am i really fighting for. i dont think it will be easy to live in stoon but thats a bridge i will have to cross when i get there b/c i cant keep running anymore.
November 16, 2009
kinda weird
what do think about this????
kinda weird dont you think....just some sandwiches sitting in the middle of traffic like that...its almost like they were place there
Monday Morning Confessions
Wow what a whirlwind weekend…amazing but soooo busy.
Friday = took off to Stoon after work and got there bout 8pm and after having a couple red bulls on the 2hr drive, I was ready to do some dancing so I got all dressed up in my boots and jeans and my lil white tank top and we were off. We went to the “twig”, there was a band (who were not bad) but it wasn’t really busy but I still managed to two-step to a few songs but weren’t really feeling it so we took off to “whiskey J’s” and listened to some bad karaoke and watched some even worse dancing and after a quick lil trip to subway, we headed home.
Saturday = I had a great lunch with Mel and took my wonderful but expensive sweat pants into get hemmed so I can wear them on the plane to Mexico (7 more weeks !!) then around 3 I headed back to regina. By the time I got back my friends here were ready to head out on the town so I went with Dani and Jill to “H” and did nothing but dance. I didn’t even talk to any guys, I just needed to dance out my troubles (nothing major as of late but it felt good just the same) it was great we came together and left together after a 3am bfast.
Sunday = hung out at home for the better part of the day but I did got to Sam’s and visit with Mel and Lindsay so it was good to see Mel and Lindsay again but awkward at the same time (me and Lindsay have never really gotten along), I got my things together to start making my Christmas cards for this year and went to bed early.
im very happy I got to see Brandy this weekend, I didn’t realize how much I missed her or how long its really been since ive seen her (4months) I think that’s the longest we’ve ever gone.
Friday = took off to Stoon after work and got there bout 8pm and after having a couple red bulls on the 2hr drive, I was ready to do some dancing so I got all dressed up in my boots and jeans and my lil white tank top and we were off. We went to the “twig”, there was a band (who were not bad) but it wasn’t really busy but I still managed to two-step to a few songs but weren’t really feeling it so we took off to “whiskey J’s” and listened to some bad karaoke and watched some even worse dancing and after a quick lil trip to subway, we headed home.
Saturday = I had a great lunch with Mel and took my wonderful but expensive sweat pants into get hemmed so I can wear them on the plane to Mexico (7 more weeks !!) then around 3 I headed back to regina. By the time I got back my friends here were ready to head out on the town so I went with Dani and Jill to “H” and did nothing but dance. I didn’t even talk to any guys, I just needed to dance out my troubles (nothing major as of late but it felt good just the same) it was great we came together and left together after a 3am bfast.
Sunday = hung out at home for the better part of the day but I did got to Sam’s and visit with Mel and Lindsay so it was good to see Mel and Lindsay again but awkward at the same time (me and Lindsay have never really gotten along), I got my things together to start making my Christmas cards for this year and went to bed early.
im very happy I got to see Brandy this weekend, I didn’t realize how much I missed her or how long its really been since ive seen her (4months) I think that’s the longest we’ve ever gone.
November 11, 2009
Quotes
it is better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self
November 10, 2009
Funny Story
when I called Kyle on Halloween I talked to some girl, didn’t really think anything of it at the time so this weekend I wrote him a note on fbook just saying that I was sorry bout calling and to give me a call next time he is in the city well last night I went on fbook to see if he wrote me back and right on the little news feed thing in plain black and white “Kyle is in a relationship with so and so” funny thing is that the chick he is now in the relationship is the same girl (I think it is, it’s the same name) as the girl I talked to on Halloween…. How funny is that !!!! I mean I just have to laugh bout it cuz this would only happen to me hahahahahaha oh well on to the next….the rodeo finals are in town the last week of the month so im gonna go to the cabert and find me another cowboy to crush on and unitll then its all good.
On another note this was the sky on my way to work this am….
On another note this was the sky on my way to work this am….
makes me happy I live where I live, although Im not happy when its -30 and im freezing my ass off but hopefully I will be in sunny mexico when that weather hits
November 06, 2009
Something very cool
on to the rest of the award... Rules.
Tell 7 things that you don't already know about me.
Name 7 other blogs to receive this award
Leave a comment on each of the blogs I nominated
Thank the person who gave you the award.
7 things you don't know about me...this could be tough.
I looooove dill pickle flavored spitz (sunflower seeds). I eat them year-round. My best friend and former roommate thought it was the weirdest thing. My ex used to get sooo mad cause there would be rouge shells all over the place. I can't stop; I really think I might have a problem.
I love my nephew more than anything in the world and would do anything for him. He is the best thing to happen to my family; he brought us all so much closer together and continues to do so. He is always so happy to see me and with everything that's gone on in my life over that past 6 months, I know that when I get hugs and kisses from him, he really means it. He knows no pain, just pure love.
My mother once told me that she doesn't care what I do in life as long I'm happy and that I don't marry a farmer and now that's all I seem to want to do. I just want to settle down on a little farm and raise horses, have a few dogs and a great big garden.
If I could only listen to one music artist for the rest of my life it would hands down be Garth Brooks. I loooove him, I have every CD and every DVD and every song he's ever sang or sang on, on my ipod My mom got to see him last time he came to Canada, she even touched his boot (soooo jealous of this) I was in grade 4 or 5 at the time so of course I didn't get to go or realize it would be the last time that he would be that close to us (geographically speaking). I was sooo excited to hear he was playing in Vegas but couldn't make the trip cause well its Vegas and with already going to Mexico, I figured it would be a bit much but I'm hoping since all 20 shows sold-out, this will only lead to bigger and better things such as a big tour. I always said I would sell my car to get tickets to go and I still stand by that claim.
I love Italy. I have never been there but I love everything about it, the food, the history, the music…if I could go one place anywhere in the world before I die, it would be Italy.
If I ever win the lottery I would give it all up just to spend one more day with my baba. I miss her everyday and while I know she is watching over me from heaven, I wish that she was here so I could talk to her and just hear her advice on everything that's been going on with me and just to give her one last hug. It breaks my heart to know she wont be there when the big things happen in my life.
Im loving anything with lime in it right now….lime and salt popcorn, bud light lime….cant get enough of it !!!
Now the people to receive this cool award….
November 04, 2009
heavy heart
i miss Kyle.
i never thought i would.
it was really weird coming to work on monday and not seeing his truck. im upset with myself for not making a move sooner. im upset that its all out of my hands now. im upset that i met someone that i thought i could acutally care about again and i messed it all up with one phone call at 2am.
im in a weird mood. i just want him to be back in the building or to call me and forgive me for the random 2am phone call. i wanna write him on fbook and say sorry but i think that might be a little weird.
my boss said that Kyle said that he dosent think that he is good enough for me. given the chance,i think that should be something i should decide.
i just miss him and im sad because i feel i wont see him again.
i never thought i would.
it was really weird coming to work on monday and not seeing his truck. im upset with myself for not making a move sooner. im upset that its all out of my hands now. im upset that i met someone that i thought i could acutally care about again and i messed it all up with one phone call at 2am.
im in a weird mood. i just want him to be back in the building or to call me and forgive me for the random 2am phone call. i wanna write him on fbook and say sorry but i think that might be a little weird.
my boss said that Kyle said that he dosent think that he is good enough for me. given the chance,i think that should be something i should decide.
i just miss him and im sad because i feel i wont see him again.
November 02, 2009
trying it sober for awhile...
he never came to the party and i think i may have fucked it all up.
he called at 6pm and said that his buddies bought him a ticket on a pub crawl so he wasnt gonna be able to make it. i went to Sam's and no one was coming to her party so my other friend Dani texted me and asked me if i wanted to come to the bar so i said yes and Sam got mad at me cause i was leaving her "party" but come on im 24 and single and looking sexy so why would i stay there with her and her fiance. i went to the bar drank and danced and called Kyle at like 2am (which i totally regret but i dont remember doing it till today cuz my boss said that he mentioned something to him on sunday) anyway James showed up and left and then i went down hill and just wanted to go home so i went with Dani and a guy she picked up to eat bfast and called James to come get me, which he did and im kinda surprised bout that but whatever he slept over (just slept, nothing happend) and ya that was my halloween.
i think im cursed when it comes to that holiday cause i always set out with the best of intentions and things just fall apart. im staying home next year.
speaking of staying home, im gonna cut back in my drinking cause nothing good comes of it. i mean Kyle probally thinks im pshyco for calling at 2am and i really wanted to make a good impression on him and not let him see that side of me...as far as James goes, we have an understanding and thats just what it will be unitll i get strong enough to walk away from him once and for all...
i feel bad, emotionally, mentally and physically.
he called at 6pm and said that his buddies bought him a ticket on a pub crawl so he wasnt gonna be able to make it. i went to Sam's and no one was coming to her party so my other friend Dani texted me and asked me if i wanted to come to the bar so i said yes and Sam got mad at me cause i was leaving her "party" but come on im 24 and single and looking sexy so why would i stay there with her and her fiance. i went to the bar drank and danced and called Kyle at like 2am (which i totally regret but i dont remember doing it till today cuz my boss said that he mentioned something to him on sunday) anyway James showed up and left and then i went down hill and just wanted to go home so i went with Dani and a guy she picked up to eat bfast and called James to come get me, which he did and im kinda surprised bout that but whatever he slept over (just slept, nothing happend) and ya that was my halloween.
i think im cursed when it comes to that holiday cause i always set out with the best of intentions and things just fall apart. im staying home next year.
speaking of staying home, im gonna cut back in my drinking cause nothing good comes of it. i mean Kyle probally thinks im pshyco for calling at 2am and i really wanted to make a good impression on him and not let him see that side of me...as far as James goes, we have an understanding and thats just what it will be unitll i get strong enough to walk away from him once and for all...
i feel bad, emotionally, mentally and physically.
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