ive decided to delete my posts about Kevin because we are done.....we arent even friends like he talked about....he moved to Calgary and it is what it is.
ive been hanging out with Kory lately and its been pretty great so i'm gonna see where it goes. i like him and we laugh alot and have fun together so ya im just gonna take it for face value and see what happens.
i'm moving back in with Joelle come jan 1 and im kinda excited about it.
so ya thats where life stands at the moment.....
December 16, 2010
November 29, 2010
Football and Fuck-ups
so this weekend a few things happened.....
1) i went out with Brandy and Chantel and met Andrew (who is super cute, funny and great in bed) anyway he was all like oh lets hang out again so i had to work at like 130 for the grey cup (which i will talk about later) anyway so i go to work and im done around 6pm so i shoot him a text to see if he wants to come over and watch a movie and he says yup in a few so whatever the game wasnt over till like 9 so i figured he would come after that so around 10 i text him again and he says he will let me know when he is leaving so then at 1130 i say you know its late lets hang out another time and hes all like oh i stopped for a beer with my sister so i said cool have fun and talk to ya later he comes back witha night babe so i go to bed but toss and turn till about 1230 at which time like an IDIOT i text him and say i cant sleep, wanna come watch a movie , a little while later i have second thoughts and say shit sorry, i didnt mean to send that to ya, i meant to send it to my friend so he comes back with a i bet haha with a little confused face (this is all on bbm) so i said its true sorry :) then around 115 he says hows the sleepover haah.off to bed.ttyl so im pretty confused at where i stand with him and im 95% posative that i fucked it all right up....so i guess i will just leave it for awhile and see if he texts me or comes to me and if not then whatever im in the same position i was before the weekend.....
2) this weekend was also grey cup weekend....we lost again...in a repeat of last year...we didnt lose for the same reason, we just out played and thats ok...there is always next year.
now on to updates on the other boys in my life.....
Kory - nothing is happening, i drunk text him saturday night so sunday am i deleted his number, im over it
Kevin - we hooked up a few times when he was home and ive been thinking about it more and more and its weird between us, we arent friends in the normal sense but we arent dating either and he said something that kinda makes me think its true...we were out and someone asked him if we were dating and he said no we were in an open realtionship so maybe thats how we define it now.....its all very muddy and confusing with him still and i think it always will be....
1) i went out with Brandy and Chantel and met Andrew (who is super cute, funny and great in bed) anyway he was all like oh lets hang out again so i had to work at like 130 for the grey cup (which i will talk about later) anyway so i go to work and im done around 6pm so i shoot him a text to see if he wants to come over and watch a movie and he says yup in a few so whatever the game wasnt over till like 9 so i figured he would come after that so around 10 i text him again and he says he will let me know when he is leaving so then at 1130 i say you know its late lets hang out another time and hes all like oh i stopped for a beer with my sister so i said cool have fun and talk to ya later he comes back witha night babe so i go to bed but toss and turn till about 1230 at which time like an IDIOT i text him and say i cant sleep, wanna come watch a movie , a little while later i have second thoughts and say shit sorry, i didnt mean to send that to ya, i meant to send it to my friend so he comes back with a i bet haha with a little confused face (this is all on bbm) so i said its true sorry :) then around 115 he says hows the sleepover haah.off to bed.ttyl so im pretty confused at where i stand with him and im 95% posative that i fucked it all right up....so i guess i will just leave it for awhile and see if he texts me or comes to me and if not then whatever im in the same position i was before the weekend.....
2) this weekend was also grey cup weekend....we lost again...in a repeat of last year...we didnt lose for the same reason, we just out played and thats ok...there is always next year.
now on to updates on the other boys in my life.....
Kory - nothing is happening, i drunk text him saturday night so sunday am i deleted his number, im over it
Kevin - we hooked up a few times when he was home and ive been thinking about it more and more and its weird between us, we arent friends in the normal sense but we arent dating either and he said something that kinda makes me think its true...we were out and someone asked him if we were dating and he said no we were in an open realtionship so maybe thats how we define it now.....its all very muddy and confusing with him still and i think it always will be....
November 13, 2010
DONE
well nothing happened with me and James except for the fact that im playing on his ballteam till april.
ive had nothing but guy problems since i wrote last ummm i guess i can start with Kory...
i got to know him kinda well over the summer anyway i always thought if i would be with anyone from the summer it would be him well to make a long story short he slept over on halloween eve, NOTHING HAPPENED ..... he slept on the couch and me in my bed well anyway we hung out the next day till like 6pm just cuddling on the couch with only one akward moment when Kevin showed up but whatever so we have kinda talked a little since then anyway i was texting him last night and he kinda mentioend that he was coming to the city so i text him around midnight and asked if he made it and nothing and then i texted at 2am and so this am i text sorry bout the random texts i got tipsy and hes like save your sorrys for something sad so whatever.....
now on to last night, we went out for Amanda's bday and randomly met some guys, one of which was super cute and really cool so we invited him to come to outlaws so we went and me and him hung out all night and then i went to the bathroom and came out to see him leaving with another girl !!! i was beyond pissed off !!! i mean that is the rudest thing i have ever had done to me .... i didnt expect to leave with him but still .....
im just annoyed and pissed off at guys in general......im a good person and I DESERVE BETTER !!!!!!!!!
ive had nothing but guy problems since i wrote last ummm i guess i can start with Kory...
i got to know him kinda well over the summer anyway i always thought if i would be with anyone from the summer it would be him well to make a long story short he slept over on halloween eve, NOTHING HAPPENED ..... he slept on the couch and me in my bed well anyway we hung out the next day till like 6pm just cuddling on the couch with only one akward moment when Kevin showed up but whatever so we have kinda talked a little since then anyway i was texting him last night and he kinda mentioend that he was coming to the city so i text him around midnight and asked if he made it and nothing and then i texted at 2am and so this am i text sorry bout the random texts i got tipsy and hes like save your sorrys for something sad so whatever.....
now on to last night, we went out for Amanda's bday and randomly met some guys, one of which was super cute and really cool so we invited him to come to outlaws so we went and me and him hung out all night and then i went to the bathroom and came out to see him leaving with another girl !!! i was beyond pissed off !!! i mean that is the rudest thing i have ever had done to me .... i didnt expect to leave with him but still .....
im just annoyed and pissed off at guys in general......im a good person and I DESERVE BETTER !!!!!!!!!
October 05, 2010
somewhere with you
i've hit writters block so im gonna post song lyrics that fit life right now untill the urge to write comes back
If you're going out with someone new
I'm going out with someone too
I won't feel sorry for me, I'm getting drunk
But I'd much rather be somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go somewhere with you
I won't sit outside your house
And wait for the lights to go out
Call up an ex to rescue me, climb in their bed
When I'd much rather sleep somewhere with you
Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear
I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you
If you see me out on the town
And it looks like I'm burning it down
You won't ask and I won't say
But in my heart I'm always somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
If you're going out with someone new
I'm going out with someone too
I won't feel sorry for me, I'm getting drunk
But I'd much rather be somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go somewhere with you
I won't sit outside your house
And wait for the lights to go out
Call up an ex to rescue me, climb in their bed
When I'd much rather sleep somewhere with you
Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear
I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you
If you see me out on the town
And it looks like I'm burning it down
You won't ask and I won't say
But in my heart I'm always somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at three a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high 'cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you, somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
Somewhere with you
September 10, 2010
fun stuff
well my blogs have late have been kinda heavy so im gonna make this one light and fun. Kevin has been gone for over 10 days now so yesterday i took upon myself to have a lil retail therapy so i went to Micheals and went a lil overboard lol anyway i got some awesome scrappy stuff, some great new pendants and some super cute office stuff.
August 18, 2010
#16 on bucket list
so its 247 am on a tues and i cant sleep a wink, partly cause Kevin is sleeping on the couch for the second night in a row and its got me thinking and thinking has got me worried if hes hiding something from me anyway i decided to take a look at my bucket list and if i did anything over the summer that i wanted to do and well it turns out that i did...not the thing you might have been expecting seeing is that i have a new bf and we were up at the beach all summer but something still pretty cool....i saw the sunrise twice on the beach.....
this was about 430am coming home from work
5am about a week ago
so there...im gonna try really hard to cross some more things off my list before christmas
July 29, 2010
stuck like glue
well it hasnt been quite 20 days since i last wrote but i do have bits of news to share with ya'll....
a) Kevin went back to work on monday. he is in medicine hat which is 4 hrs from stoon so its not that bad. i miss him but ive talked to him like 3 times a day since he left and i hope that keeps up but who knows with him.
b) i found a wonderful place to live in stoon. it's amazing !!!! it has hardwood floors and bulit in bookcases and i just loooove it soooo much. i cant wait to move in (which is gonna be after the 13th cause thats when im done work) im so super stoked to live on my own, which despite being 25 i havent really ever done with the exception of the 4 months i live in melfort.
i think thats about all i got for now so till next time :)
a) Kevin went back to work on monday. he is in medicine hat which is 4 hrs from stoon so its not that bad. i miss him but ive talked to him like 3 times a day since he left and i hope that keeps up but who knows with him.
b) i found a wonderful place to live in stoon. it's amazing !!!! it has hardwood floors and bulit in bookcases and i just loooove it soooo much. i cant wait to move in (which is gonna be after the 13th cause thats when im done work) im so super stoked to live on my own, which despite being 25 i havent really ever done with the exception of the 4 months i live in melfort.
i think thats about all i got for now so till next time :)
June 04, 2010
raining on sunday
well ive been home for a couple days and it's been great. i start work tomorrow full time and im pretty excited except for the fact that it's gonna be thunderstorms all weekend :( and i have no car and i have to ride my bike in the rain !!! (good lord i sound like a country song)
not really much to report other than my long awaited dr appt got changed till the 29th of june (booo!!!) and Kevin called me yesterday so that was nice. we have kinda been texting and talking since he went back to work and while im not holding my breath that he's gonna come visit this summer it would be awesome but JL will so im super excited about that and i will be even more excited when it stops raining like really this is drumb already, two super hot days followed by 4 days of rainy/crappy weather...come on its june where the hell is summer ?????
im gonna try and post as much as i can this summer but it might be tough so please bear with me...anyway catch ya on the flip side (really? did i just type that?)
not really much to report other than my long awaited dr appt got changed till the 29th of june (booo!!!) and Kevin called me yesterday so that was nice. we have kinda been texting and talking since he went back to work and while im not holding my breath that he's gonna come visit this summer it would be awesome but JL will so im super excited about that and i will be even more excited when it stops raining like really this is drumb already, two super hot days followed by 4 days of rainy/crappy weather...come on its june where the hell is summer ?????
im gonna try and post as much as i can this summer but it might be tough so please bear with me...anyway catch ya on the flip side (really? did i just type that?)
May 30, 2010
Burn it to the ground
last night me and Brandy went to Nickelback with Shinedown and Breaking Benjamin. it was an AWESOME concert !!! we were on the floor and at one point i was covered in beer but we made it back on the bus in the rain and then charmed our way into the twig. it was an all around great night. i cant remember the last time i had so much fun with Brandy. it was also my last night out in the city for awhile cause i start work on the 5th and am moving back home tomorrow. so i will leave you with some pics and if i dont post for awhile but i will try.
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| Shinedown |
 |
| Breaking Benjamin |
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| Chad from Nickelback |
May 19, 2010
takin' off this pain
well i havent jinxed what im happy about but my happiness is gone 2 weeks sooner than expected but its been a really great couple weeks, lots of fun and i can honestly say i feel good about this happiness and now we will see where summer takes it. i hope i get to have this happiness sometime durning the summer and by the way things are going it looks pretty good :)
anyway yesterday i was out enjoying the sunshine with friends at the beach, drinking and playing football and just having a great time so we go back to my friends house for supper and i feel down the stairs anyway it wasnt feeling to bad so we went out for drinks and played some buck hunter and well around 230am i got into the truck and just broke down and realized i needed to go to the emergency room so i got my friend to call my roomate (who is a nurse) and we picked her up and headed to the hospital where they both waited with me while i got x-rays and an amazing shot of drugs for the extreme pain i was in....im not kidding you it hurt like a mofo !!!! i cried all through the x-rays and then sitting in the wheelchair waiting....untill the meds kicked in then i started giggling .... so my roomate left and my friend stayed with me till the doctor came back and told me that i sprained my ankle very badly so they wrapped it up and gave me and ice pack and sent me home....we stopped for mickey d's on the way back to my friends place and then got to the house and the best cab driver ever helped me out and into the house.
so now im on some crutches for awhile hopefully i will be feeling alright enough to go to nickelback at the end of the month if not then i will be going there with my crutches and all lol but i thank god i didnt break it cause how much would that suck to have a broken ankle in a cast for the summer....at least mom and dad wouldnt be up my ass to find a job lol
anyway yesterday i was out enjoying the sunshine with friends at the beach, drinking and playing football and just having a great time so we go back to my friends house for supper and i feel down the stairs anyway it wasnt feeling to bad so we went out for drinks and played some buck hunter and well around 230am i got into the truck and just broke down and realized i needed to go to the emergency room so i got my friend to call my roomate (who is a nurse) and we picked her up and headed to the hospital where they both waited with me while i got x-rays and an amazing shot of drugs for the extreme pain i was in....im not kidding you it hurt like a mofo !!!! i cried all through the x-rays and then sitting in the wheelchair waiting....untill the meds kicked in then i started giggling .... so my roomate left and my friend stayed with me till the doctor came back and told me that i sprained my ankle very badly so they wrapped it up and gave me and ice pack and sent me home....we stopped for mickey d's on the way back to my friends place and then got to the house and the best cab driver ever helped me out and into the house.
so now im on some crutches for awhile hopefully i will be feeling alright enough to go to nickelback at the end of the month if not then i will be going there with my crutches and all lol but i thank god i didnt break it cause how much would that suck to have a broken ankle in a cast for the summer....at least mom and dad wouldnt be up my ass to find a job lol
May 06, 2010
feeling good
sorry for the little teaser post but i felt i had to write something.
anyway the meds kicked in and im getting back to normal. i talked to Joelle the other night about me moving home and she thinks its a good idea cause and she put this so awesomely , she said that it must be hard for me living here, having my life on hold, when most of my support system is back at home, so all in all i think she totally gets where im coming from. so thats that, its official come june 1 i am moving back in with my parents and you know what i dont care; however this means a little break from blogging cuz internet at the farm sucks....i will try and update at least once a month but if you hear nothing for me, take it as a good sign....no news is good news and dont worry i will totally update after the all important dr appt on the 14th of june.
i dunno if any of you know this but i scrapbook....i looooove it. it brings me such release in ways i never felt possible. it makes me happy which is awesome cause there was a time i thought i would never scrapbook again. anyway now moving home i get to play a whole lot more with it cuz at the farm our whole upstairs attic is empty so im taking it over for a scrapping space this summer and into the fall and really as long as im there. so until them im taking a break from scrapping not by choice just cause i dont have the room and to think i would be able to get anything done here in stoon was out of my mind....i did manage to get a few pages done so if you are wondering here is a link to my gallery on scrapbook.com.
this weekend is another busy one....tonite is a VIP episode of grey's....tomorrow i work at 8pm ....saturday im gonna sleep and do some things that need to be done....sunday im off home...
so if i dont talk to ya'll till after the weekend .... have a good one and be safe :)
anyway the meds kicked in and im getting back to normal. i talked to Joelle the other night about me moving home and she thinks its a good idea cause and she put this so awesomely , she said that it must be hard for me living here, having my life on hold, when most of my support system is back at home, so all in all i think she totally gets where im coming from. so thats that, its official come june 1 i am moving back in with my parents and you know what i dont care; however this means a little break from blogging cuz internet at the farm sucks....i will try and update at least once a month but if you hear nothing for me, take it as a good sign....no news is good news and dont worry i will totally update after the all important dr appt on the 14th of june.
i dunno if any of you know this but i scrapbook....i looooove it. it brings me such release in ways i never felt possible. it makes me happy which is awesome cause there was a time i thought i would never scrapbook again. anyway now moving home i get to play a whole lot more with it cuz at the farm our whole upstairs attic is empty so im taking it over for a scrapping space this summer and into the fall and really as long as im there. so until them im taking a break from scrapping not by choice just cause i dont have the room and to think i would be able to get anything done here in stoon was out of my mind....i did manage to get a few pages done so if you are wondering here is a link to my gallery on scrapbook.com.
this weekend is another busy one....tonite is a VIP episode of grey's....tomorrow i work at 8pm ....saturday im gonna sleep and do some things that need to be done....sunday im off home...
so if i dont talk to ya'll till after the weekend .... have a good one and be safe :)
April 28, 2010
finding my way back home
well i made a choice over the last couple days....im moving home till january.
i am 25 and moving back in with my parents for the second time.
its no permanent, its only temporary and i feel like its the best option for me in the long run. my plan is to move to the lake for the summer, work up there till the end of sept then work for mom in a bigger capacity that i have been, hopefully i will save enough money in this time to be able to get my own place in january once i get back to doing the work i really want to do.
i havent told anyone expect my parents and my best friend, not even my current roomate/good friend....im really nervous about it....i dont know what to say and i feel things will be awkward between us after i say something....im hoping to tell her tomorrow.....
do i feel like i wasted the last 3 months? of course but there is nothing i can do about it now....i feel this unsettledness that im feeling is part of the reason i am unhappy....maybe i need professional help but we will see how things go this summer and take stock again in the fall....
i just feel like this is the best thing for me long term and its only temporary.....
i am 25 and moving back in with my parents for the second time.
its no permanent, its only temporary and i feel like its the best option for me in the long run. my plan is to move to the lake for the summer, work up there till the end of sept then work for mom in a bigger capacity that i have been, hopefully i will save enough money in this time to be able to get my own place in january once i get back to doing the work i really want to do.
i havent told anyone expect my parents and my best friend, not even my current roomate/good friend....im really nervous about it....i dont know what to say and i feel things will be awkward between us after i say something....im hoping to tell her tomorrow.....
do i feel like i wasted the last 3 months? of course but there is nothing i can do about it now....i feel this unsettledness that im feeling is part of the reason i am unhappy....maybe i need professional help but we will see how things go this summer and take stock again in the fall....
i just feel like this is the best thing for me long term and its only temporary.....
April 25, 2010
lazy sunday afternoon
every year my parents go away for a month and while its not long, for some reason this year it was really hard to get my head around they arent gonna be around for a month. i thought last year it would be hard but it wasnt and this year it really was. so i think that was part of the reason i was so down these past couple days. they stopped over this am and said goodbye and i cried like it was the first time they ever left.
on another note im broke and i dont just mean low on cash broke but broke broke like a negative balance in my bank account broke. i need a job like yesterday.
ive been doing not bad on the eat-your-kitchen challenge although today i did break down and get some groceries, however; i did get lots of stuff that will last awhile and that i can use with other stuff i already own.
tomorrow i am going to apply for some jobs or play guitar hero all day depending if it rains or not....
on another note im broke and i dont just mean low on cash broke but broke broke like a negative balance in my bank account broke. i need a job like yesterday.
ive been doing not bad on the eat-your-kitchen challenge although today i did break down and get some groceries, however; i did get lots of stuff that will last awhile and that i can use with other stuff i already own.
tomorrow i am going to apply for some jobs or play guitar hero all day depending if it rains or not....
April 24, 2010
how can i fix something if i dont know what's broken?
im not happy and i havent been for awhile and i dont know what to do to make things better. im trying so hard to fix whatever it is that is wrong but i dont know whats wrong so how can i fix it.....all i want is that place in the sun cause i feel like ive been in the dark for so long and im tired . im tired of feeling this way and i just want things to be better so bad that it hurts. my heart hurts. my mind hurts. my spirit hurts.
i should believe that everything happens for a reason but what ? what is the reason for all this pain that im feeling? something has got to give somewhere and its gotta be all better soon cause if it isnt i just dont know what to do .....
im not happy and i havent been for awhile and i dont know what to do to make things better. im trying so hard to fix whatever it is that is wrong but i dont know whats wrong so how can i fix it.....all i want is that place in the sun cause i feel like ive been in the dark for so long and im tired . im tired of feeling this way and i just want things to be better so bad that it hurts. my heart hurts. my mind hurts. my spirit hurts.
i should believe that everything happens for a reason but what ? what is the reason for all this pain that im feeling? something has got to give somewhere and its gotta be all better soon cause if it isnt i just dont know what to do .....
April 23, 2010
JUNE 14th
that is the day that i finally meet with the heart guy.
is it weird that i've never been sooooo excited for a doctor's appt . i hope they give me back my licence....i'm just very excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not much else is happening in my life. one of my cowboy's buddies added me to fbook and i totally took creeping to a whole new level hahahah im soooo bad (i hope i hear from him again) anyway i dont know much about him other than he is the same age as me and his real name so from now on i will refer to him as MW.
joker messaged me on msn. he's all like sorry i havent talked to you in awhile but ive been dealing with some shit and i was like no worries, it happens but i was kinda a bad person and said if you ever make it back to stoon let me know and maybe we can do something and he's all like oh i would like that .... whatever i only through it out there cause i know it wont happen which makes me sad cause i think it could have been really great but then i got over the sadness and started being awesome hahahaha .... oh one more thing i made my online dating profile again but didnt really but that much effort into it and am not creeping or messaging guys this time, i'm a lady they can message me if they are interested.
oh i also found out my $$$ situation is gonna run out real quick so i applied for a few jobs online today and dropped of a resume at my local bar and the guy i talked to was pretty cool so i hope he liked me and will give me something part time at least....here is hoping....pray for me :)
is it weird that i've never been sooooo excited for a doctor's appt . i hope they give me back my licence....i'm just very excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not much else is happening in my life. one of my cowboy's buddies added me to fbook and i totally took creeping to a whole new level hahahah im soooo bad (i hope i hear from him again) anyway i dont know much about him other than he is the same age as me and his real name so from now on i will refer to him as MW.
joker messaged me on msn. he's all like sorry i havent talked to you in awhile but ive been dealing with some shit and i was like no worries, it happens but i was kinda a bad person and said if you ever make it back to stoon let me know and maybe we can do something and he's all like oh i would like that .... whatever i only through it out there cause i know it wont happen which makes me sad cause i think it could have been really great but then i got over the sadness and started being awesome hahahaha .... oh one more thing i made my online dating profile again but didnt really but that much effort into it and am not creeping or messaging guys this time, i'm a lady they can message me if they are interested.
oh i also found out my $$$ situation is gonna run out real quick so i applied for a few jobs online today and dropped of a resume at my local bar and the guy i talked to was pretty cool so i hope he liked me and will give me something part time at least....here is hoping....pray for me :)
April 19, 2010
Ctown
im home after 4 days and 12hrs in the car and i had a fabulous time in calgary
i got to visit the zoo
i got to visit the zoo
and i also did some major shopping damage that wasnt really planned but oh well im not gonna shop again till black friday in november so i figure it will all even out hahaha.....now its back to reality and hopefully back to work they havent called me for a second shift so i hope i get to go back or else i should start looking for another job asap but i wanna head home this coming weekend so maybe not having another shift might be alright hahahaha but i do need to recover my spending from this weekend and get some groceries and pay rent and over due bills so we will see what happens....oh one other little story i hooked up with a cowboy last weekend and he texted me saturday night hahaha but alas i was in calgary so i couldnt go out so i dunno if he will text again but if not no worries hahaha..... i will leave you with another pic.....
April 15, 2010
slow learners still learn
i have a few things to mention so this post might be all over the place.....
tonite im going training for my new job as a bartender at a local events center. im kinda nervous but also pretty excited cause after 4 months of sitting on my ass i need to get out doing something. i hope it all goes well.
last night i deleted my online dating profile. i also deleted joker from my phone and msn so hopefully i wont hear from that guy again. i told Brandy that i deleted it and she told me that i should have done it two weeks ago and i was like better late than never and she said ... slow learners still learn which i really like so that is the name of this post and my new fbook status.
im doing pretty good on eat your kitchen so im happy about that.....i was craving ice cream yesterday in the worst way and crosoints (dont think i spelt that right) but didnt get either instead had some girl guide cookies and milk and rotini with hotdogs for supper....not very appitzing but at least i didnt spend any money.
now im going to calgary this weekned with Joelle so im super pumped and i only have like $250 to spend on food, the zoo and shopping so i hope it will all last and i hope i can still go cause im super nervous work is gonna ask me to work and well i just gotta say i have something this weekend that i cant get out of , hopefully it wont screw me over in the long run but there are other places hiring bartenders so whatever, i just kinda feel bad.
so i probally wont post till after we come back from calgary i know i said that before but this time i mean it....i am training tonite at 5 till who knows when and then we are off at like 8am tomorrow cause its like a 6 hr drive.
later
tonite im going training for my new job as a bartender at a local events center. im kinda nervous but also pretty excited cause after 4 months of sitting on my ass i need to get out doing something. i hope it all goes well.
last night i deleted my online dating profile. i also deleted joker from my phone and msn so hopefully i wont hear from that guy again. i told Brandy that i deleted it and she told me that i should have done it two weeks ago and i was like better late than never and she said ... slow learners still learn which i really like so that is the name of this post and my new fbook status.
im doing pretty good on eat your kitchen so im happy about that.....i was craving ice cream yesterday in the worst way and crosoints (dont think i spelt that right) but didnt get either instead had some girl guide cookies and milk and rotini with hotdogs for supper....not very appitzing but at least i didnt spend any money.
now im going to calgary this weekned with Joelle so im super pumped and i only have like $250 to spend on food, the zoo and shopping so i hope it will all last and i hope i can still go cause im super nervous work is gonna ask me to work and well i just gotta say i have something this weekend that i cant get out of , hopefully it wont screw me over in the long run but there are other places hiring bartenders so whatever, i just kinda feel bad.
so i probally wont post till after we come back from calgary i know i said that before but this time i mean it....i am training tonite at 5 till who knows when and then we are off at like 8am tomorrow cause its like a 6 hr drive.
later
April 13, 2010
monday morning confessions
yes i know it isnt monday am anymore its 1228pm on monday night (or tuesday am depending on how you look at it ) but its been a crazy couple days so its taken me this long to blog about the weekend.
as you may have heard the paires got pelted by a snow storm friday (notice previous post for a pic)
anyway saturday am Brandy texted me and i had my phone across the room cause i was pissed joker didnt text/call so whatever i jump out of bed and well jump is a bad word i step out of bed to answer the phone and i feel funny and twisted my ankle all to shit (more on that later) so thats all fine, that night me and Brandy went to the twig and danced ( i hobbled ) and drank and met some good ole cowboys and i went home with one well not really but ... ok this is how it happend it took forever for us to get a cab and when we finally did some guy jumped in the cab with us, turns out he is buddies with the cowboy whom i made out with on the dance floor earlier in the night (i think we also shared a dance or two) anyway the cab goes to his place first and out comes my cowboy from the house on his way to make a food run at like 330 so i jump out of the cab and go with him and B goes home to her man so we get food and come back to the house and he puts ice on my ankle and one thing leads to another and we make out and go up to his room and well you can only imagine from there....im not proud of my choice but at least i was safe about it.
next day i hang out with him and his buddies for a bit before realizing i should have stayed in the cab with B anyway i get a cab and head to Brandy's place where i put sweats on and slept till like 230 pm at which time i got a phone call asking me if i could come in for an interview that night at 630 so i call JL to come pick me up and i go home, shower and make my way downtown to the interview (i kinda got the job, i go train on thurs)
so sunday night joker texts me and is all like oh i forgot my phone at my friends place im so sorry....so i ask him if i ever get to see him again and he is all like ya i wanna see you cause i really like you so whatever i text him this am and asked if he wanted to do something before he goes to edmonton on tuesday he said sure i said ok how bout supper and well stand me up once shame on you stand me up twice shame on me....its bullshit cause i know for a fact that he will text me when its convient for him and im sooooooooooooooo over it !!! i know i know i said it before but next time he texts me im just gonna say if you like me you need to hang out with me cause im not the kinda girl that likes to wait around.
now on to my ankle .... i made a dr appt earlier in the week cause i felt faint latst tues so i wanted to check with the dr to see what was up in the meantime i twisted my ankle so i thought i would get that checked out too....the doc thinks that my case about my heart should be written in a medical journal cause im that unique and he is really surprised i havent seen the specialist yet so hes gonna get on that and he said my ankle is very sprained so im going for xrays tomorrow to make sure but i need to wear a brace for 3 weeks and he prescribed me some great pain meds.
so thats that .... my life in the last 3 days.....i have a shitty ankle, joker is a jackass and i have a new job that i have to hobble around for at least 3 weeks also im heading to calgary with joelle friday am and im very excited cause we are gonna go to the zoo !!!! so i probally wont write much , if at all untill i come back from that.
as you may have heard the paires got pelted by a snow storm friday (notice previous post for a pic)
anyway saturday am Brandy texted me and i had my phone across the room cause i was pissed joker didnt text/call so whatever i jump out of bed and well jump is a bad word i step out of bed to answer the phone and i feel funny and twisted my ankle all to shit (more on that later) so thats all fine, that night me and Brandy went to the twig and danced ( i hobbled ) and drank and met some good ole cowboys and i went home with one well not really but ... ok this is how it happend it took forever for us to get a cab and when we finally did some guy jumped in the cab with us, turns out he is buddies with the cowboy whom i made out with on the dance floor earlier in the night (i think we also shared a dance or two) anyway the cab goes to his place first and out comes my cowboy from the house on his way to make a food run at like 330 so i jump out of the cab and go with him and B goes home to her man so we get food and come back to the house and he puts ice on my ankle and one thing leads to another and we make out and go up to his room and well you can only imagine from there....im not proud of my choice but at least i was safe about it.
next day i hang out with him and his buddies for a bit before realizing i should have stayed in the cab with B anyway i get a cab and head to Brandy's place where i put sweats on and slept till like 230 pm at which time i got a phone call asking me if i could come in for an interview that night at 630 so i call JL to come pick me up and i go home, shower and make my way downtown to the interview (i kinda got the job, i go train on thurs)
so sunday night joker texts me and is all like oh i forgot my phone at my friends place im so sorry....so i ask him if i ever get to see him again and he is all like ya i wanna see you cause i really like you so whatever i text him this am and asked if he wanted to do something before he goes to edmonton on tuesday he said sure i said ok how bout supper and well stand me up once shame on you stand me up twice shame on me....its bullshit cause i know for a fact that he will text me when its convient for him and im sooooooooooooooo over it !!! i know i know i said it before but next time he texts me im just gonna say if you like me you need to hang out with me cause im not the kinda girl that likes to wait around.
now on to my ankle .... i made a dr appt earlier in the week cause i felt faint latst tues so i wanted to check with the dr to see what was up in the meantime i twisted my ankle so i thought i would get that checked out too....the doc thinks that my case about my heart should be written in a medical journal cause im that unique and he is really surprised i havent seen the specialist yet so hes gonna get on that and he said my ankle is very sprained so im going for xrays tomorrow to make sure but i need to wear a brace for 3 weeks and he prescribed me some great pain meds.
so thats that .... my life in the last 3 days.....i have a shitty ankle, joker is a jackass and i have a new job that i have to hobble around for at least 3 weeks also im heading to calgary with joelle friday am and im very excited cause we are gonna go to the zoo !!!! so i probally wont write much , if at all untill i come back from that.
April 09, 2010
times like these
so yesterday joker started texting me in the early pm and we were flirting pretty good so i invited him over later and well what do you know he showed up !!!
we kissed a bit and talked alot.....anyway so we were sitting there and he asked what i was thinking and i said well its taken me this long to see ya and im just wondering when i get to see ya again and he said what are doing tomorrow and i said not much and he said well lets do supper and well to make a long story short its 645 and i havent heard from him....
im sad that he hasnt called and im sad that i half thought we would really go for that supper but ya i dunno...
i know better than this and and i deserve better than this...it shouldnt be this much work !!!
we kissed a bit and talked alot.....anyway so we were sitting there and he asked what i was thinking and i said well its taken me this long to see ya and im just wondering when i get to see ya again and he said what are doing tomorrow and i said not much and he said well lets do supper and well to make a long story short its 645 and i havent heard from him....
im sad that he hasnt called and im sad that i half thought we would really go for that supper but ya i dunno...
i know better than this and and i deserve better than this...it shouldnt be this much work !!!
April 05, 2010
weekend wrap-up
this past weekend i went home for easter but i will get to that in a moment but first a something to ponder....a few days ago i went back and read my blog, i haven been blogging that much or that long so it really didnt take me too long plus i skimmed some entries and wow let me tell you if i didnt blog about guys and random drama that comes along with them, i would have nothing to say. so i'm going to try and step away from guys (i know i know ive said this before) but there is so much more going on that i have to talk about that well they can go on the back burner for awhile plus with nothing going on with joker i dont really have anymore guy drama to blog about anyway.
now to the weekend, well i went home saturday with my bro and his gf and her little girl and well ive come to conculsion that other than J i dont like any little kids under school age. so we get home and me and mom go to pick up J. he wasnt really keen on coming with us so i went over to him and was like oh come with auntie to grandma's house and do you know what he said to me ... "i dont love you" !!!
that moment broke my heart, so much so that i started crying, and i know he didnt mean it but just to hear that come from him when i feel nothing but love for him was heartbreaking; however come to think of it i dont think that it that i was crying over, it was just everything thats been going on lately i needed a little love from J.
sunday was a gong-show and i told my parents that unless my bro has another kid, J is the only grandchild they are going to have (i might stick to that..im not real big on having kids) anyway after my bro and his gf left, J stayed overnight again and so did i. it was really nice to get that one on one time with him and i felt better about life in general and today when him and mom dropped me off at the bus to come back to the city he gave me a huge hug and a kiss and said love you so; life is good again.
they are coming in to the city on wednesday and we are going to see Franklin so we will see how that all goes.
now to the weekend, well i went home saturday with my bro and his gf and her little girl and well ive come to conculsion that other than J i dont like any little kids under school age. so we get home and me and mom go to pick up J. he wasnt really keen on coming with us so i went over to him and was like oh come with auntie to grandma's house and do you know what he said to me ... "i dont love you" !!!
that moment broke my heart, so much so that i started crying, and i know he didnt mean it but just to hear that come from him when i feel nothing but love for him was heartbreaking; however come to think of it i dont think that it that i was crying over, it was just everything thats been going on lately i needed a little love from J.
sunday was a gong-show and i told my parents that unless my bro has another kid, J is the only grandchild they are going to have (i might stick to that..im not real big on having kids) anyway after my bro and his gf left, J stayed overnight again and so did i. it was really nice to get that one on one time with him and i felt better about life in general and today when him and mom dropped me off at the bus to come back to the city he gave me a huge hug and a kiss and said love you so; life is good again.
they are coming in to the city on wednesday and we are going to see Franklin so we will see how that all goes.
April 01, 2010
Who I am
I want someone to love me for who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
for who I am.
March 31, 2010
songs like this
its all over with joker.
i messaged him sunday night and he was online monday am and i never got anything back so i called him today around 230 and its now 745 and nothing so i messaged him online and said:
so i just wanted to message you and say it was nice talking to ya but im not playing games so you need to find another girl to do that with. maybe you are dealing with alot right now but maybe not since you havent given me a reason to think other wise. so have a good one and later.
i dont need to played and if he messages me then i will just tell him he missed the boat, i cried twice over him and thats too many times for someone i havent even met. i deleted him from my phone, my msn and my online profile.
it is what it is....im disapointed cause i thought it could be something really great but 3 strikes you're out....i deserve better than that. if i hear from him i will post again but i kinda hope i dont cause i dont wanna deal with it, im emotionally exhausted from it all.
i messaged him sunday night and he was online monday am and i never got anything back so i called him today around 230 and its now 745 and nothing so i messaged him online and said:
so i just wanted to message you and say it was nice talking to ya but im not playing games so you need to find another girl to do that with. maybe you are dealing with alot right now but maybe not since you havent given me a reason to think other wise. so have a good one and later.
i dont need to played and if he messages me then i will just tell him he missed the boat, i cried twice over him and thats too many times for someone i havent even met. i deleted him from my phone, my msn and my online profile.
it is what it is....im disapointed cause i thought it could be something really great but 3 strikes you're out....i deserve better than that. if i hear from him i will post again but i kinda hope i dont cause i dont wanna deal with it, im emotionally exhausted from it all.
March 23, 2010
life after you
its been one year today since my whole world came crashing down. i dont feel any better, i mean maybe a little bit but .... i just wish there was pill to make it all better and make me forget what happened and how im feeling right now....i hate the fact that a year later i still feel like this....i dont miss him, i miss having someone there, i miss that compainonship....the fact that things arent really working out with joker (name is kinda fitting now) might have something to do with how i feel right now....im disapointed that i put myself out there and i dont feel like things are ever gonna happen with him and maybe i just need to take that as a sign that its not ment to be or that he's just not that into me...i mean if he ever shows up at my door good lord i think i will faint...but im not holding my breathe , i mean he says he wants to hang out but i dont believe him and to make it all worse B and C bet on the fact that he wouldnt show up....im sooooo fuckin pissed at both of them !!! i would never to that do either them even if i was joking about it.....whatever i guess it just goes to show what kind of friends they really are.
March 22, 2010
ever ever after
Sam got married !!!
so now she is offically a wife(that feels weird to type)it was an amazing wedding, filled with love and laughter. i love them both very much and am so happy they met and made the choice to begin a wonderful life together :)
side note = joker apologized on msn the day after st.patty's day (which i still dont really believe his whole story but whatever) anyway we are gonna try and go for supper tomorrow so we will see how it goes and if it happens at all...i will keep ya updated.
March 18, 2010
tumblin tears
so im done with mr.joker.
to make a long story short, he said he would come out for st.patty's day and after no answer to my texts, i tried callling only to find out that his phone was off and im done....3 strikes your out
however once i got home from st.pattys day drinking and fueled by too many double captian and cokes i sent him this little message
you know our little date isnt gonna happen on tuesday cause you need to give me a reason to believe anything you say cause im not gonna be a little webcam whore for you, if thats all you want then you need to find another girl to fuck around cause its sure as shit not gonna be me
well if that dosent send a clear message i dont know what will.....and whats the worst that could happen right, like i said he is out of my life just a fast as he came into it and i move on, its really not gonna make things any worse cause im soooooooooooooo done playing these bullshit games.
dont worry.....i'll let you know what happens
to make a long story short, he said he would come out for st.patty's day and after no answer to my texts, i tried callling only to find out that his phone was off and im done....3 strikes your out
however once i got home from st.pattys day drinking and fueled by too many double captian and cokes i sent him this little message
you know our little date isnt gonna happen on tuesday cause you need to give me a reason to believe anything you say cause im not gonna be a little webcam whore for you, if thats all you want then you need to find another girl to fuck around cause its sure as shit not gonna be me
well if that dosent send a clear message i dont know what will.....and whats the worst that could happen right, like i said he is out of my life just a fast as he came into it and i move on, its really not gonna make things any worse cause im soooooooooooooo done playing these bullshit games.
dont worry.....i'll let you know what happens
March 17, 2010
actions speak louder than words
He messaged me back on the dating site….he said he didn’t get home till Monday night and maybe we can hang out tomorrow (which is now today)
so yesterday I get a text in the early afternoon from joker, just kinda like hey what’s up so we continue to text and whatever so he tells he is coming into the city for his bday and wants to know when we can hang out (third time since we started talking that he’s mentioned this) so I said why don’t I buy him a bday drink at this bar that is close to my friends place so he’s all like oh that’s where me and my buddies are going and yes maybe the next thing wasn’t the smartest idea on my part but I was like oh well why don’t me and my friend just meet you there later and he said ok he will text me if they leave so whatever … anyway to make a long story short I never heard from him for the rest of the night and ya maybe he got drunk and just forgot so I texted him around 1030 and said have a happy birthday im gonna call it a night, I also took in an step further and messaged him on the online dating site around 1230 and said hope ya had a good bday maybe we can get it together enough to meet up one of these days.
I mean what’s the worst that could happen??? He doesn’t return my texts or messages and is out of my life just as fast as he came into it….I just don’t care….im over it….im just hurt that I put myself out there and made every effort to hang out and he cant nail down plans so now this is strike two so as far as im concerned strike 3 and you’re out cause he is not gaining any points in my book with this bullshit behaviour. If he texts me again and asks to hang out im gonna say pick a day, pick a time and pick me up then sit around in my sweats till he actually comes to the door cause it will be his last chance !!!!
so yesterday I get a text in the early afternoon from joker, just kinda like hey what’s up so we continue to text and whatever so he tells he is coming into the city for his bday and wants to know when we can hang out (third time since we started talking that he’s mentioned this) so I said why don’t I buy him a bday drink at this bar that is close to my friends place so he’s all like oh that’s where me and my buddies are going and yes maybe the next thing wasn’t the smartest idea on my part but I was like oh well why don’t me and my friend just meet you there later and he said ok he will text me if they leave so whatever … anyway to make a long story short I never heard from him for the rest of the night and ya maybe he got drunk and just forgot so I texted him around 1030 and said have a happy birthday im gonna call it a night, I also took in an step further and messaged him on the online dating site around 1230 and said hope ya had a good bday maybe we can get it together enough to meet up one of these days.
I mean what’s the worst that could happen??? He doesn’t return my texts or messages and is out of my life just as fast as he came into it….I just don’t care….im over it….im just hurt that I put myself out there and made every effort to hang out and he cant nail down plans so now this is strike two so as far as im concerned strike 3 and you’re out cause he is not gaining any points in my book with this bullshit behaviour. If he texts me again and asks to hang out im gonna say pick a day, pick a time and pick me up then sit around in my sweats till he actually comes to the door cause it will be his last chance !!!!
March 15, 2010
more boys i meet
you know im really over all this bullshit !!! i dont care anymore cause no matter what i do (or dont do) i get screwed over !!!
i am on this online dating website and i have been talking to this guy...joker....anyway we talked for like 4 hrs on msn last friday and kinda made plans to have dinner on sunday when he got back into town (cause he was going out of town for the weekend) well sunday came and went and nothing !!! no phone call ....no text.....nothing !!!
im soooo pissed off cause its monday and well what makes it all the more worse is that on friday after our like convo he texted me like 2 hrs later and said he was looking forward to talking to me in person and i went on the little online dating site where i met him and he was on today.
i deleted his number from my phone on friday cause i didnt wanna acidentlly drunk text him on saturday night when i was out , so as when i was on my lil dating site, i sent him a message (i probally shouldn't have and just let him come to me but whatever, its not like its gonna make things worse) anyway i just said hey how was the weekend....i think thats pretty safe.
whatever im just over it all, i dont care anymore, im just sooooooooooooooo tired of playing these bullshit games....i mean i put myself out there and look at this twice now ive been screwed over......
you know maybe im reading too much into it and blowing this way out wack but still call or text to say you got home late and lets do it another time .... FUCK !!!! im just hurt and soooooooooooooo over it all
i am on this online dating website and i have been talking to this guy...joker....anyway we talked for like 4 hrs on msn last friday and kinda made plans to have dinner on sunday when he got back into town (cause he was going out of town for the weekend) well sunday came and went and nothing !!! no phone call ....no text.....nothing !!!
im soooo pissed off cause its monday and well what makes it all the more worse is that on friday after our like convo he texted me like 2 hrs later and said he was looking forward to talking to me in person and i went on the little online dating site where i met him and he was on today.
i deleted his number from my phone on friday cause i didnt wanna acidentlly drunk text him on saturday night when i was out , so as when i was on my lil dating site, i sent him a message (i probally shouldn't have and just let him come to me but whatever, its not like its gonna make things worse) anyway i just said hey how was the weekend....i think thats pretty safe.
whatever im just over it all, i dont care anymore, im just sooooooooooooooo tired of playing these bullshit games....i mean i put myself out there and look at this twice now ive been screwed over......
you know maybe im reading too much into it and blowing this way out wack but still call or text to say you got home late and lets do it another time .... FUCK !!!! im just hurt and soooooooooooooo over it all
March 13, 2010
I shall believe in the road to redemption
So this morning as I was waiting to take the bus downtown to get the rest of my taxes done, I was approached by a man. He turned out to be a Jehovah’s witness and was passing out some reading material. I politely said no. so he gave me a little flyer on an event they were having. I threw it out later.
I have no problem with people and them believing in something different than me, just don’t try to push it on me. I made up my mind about my mind about my belief system a long time ago and it works for me. I’m not going to get into what I do and do not believe cause its personal and I don’t feel like I have to defend it to anyone.
Anyway I got my taxes done and am getting back more than I originally thought (whoop whoop !!!) so now I can go shopping with my mother at the end of the month. Also when I was downtown this am, people were playing street hockey in front of the public library. They had like a whole big tournament and everything, I’m pretty sure it’s a yearly thing but I’ve never seen it cause A) I’ve never been up at early and downtown or B) I’ve been up and at work and had no idea it was going on.
and tonite I'm heading to a local country bar (not the twig) to see an awesome band...LONGSHOT !!!
I have no problem with people and them believing in something different than me, just don’t try to push it on me. I made up my mind about my mind about my belief system a long time ago and it works for me. I’m not going to get into what I do and do not believe cause its personal and I don’t feel like I have to defend it to anyone.
Anyway I got my taxes done and am getting back more than I originally thought (whoop whoop !!!) so now I can go shopping with my mother at the end of the month. Also when I was downtown this am, people were playing street hockey in front of the public library. They had like a whole big tournament and everything, I’m pretty sure it’s a yearly thing but I’ve never seen it cause A) I’ve never been up at early and downtown or B) I’ve been up and at work and had no idea it was going on.
March 12, 2010
here comes the sun
it's starting to get nicer in my fair....the birds are singing, puddles are starting to form (along with mud which i stepped in today with my kickass new shoes :( ), weddings are starting take place (SM's is next weekend)
im in a really good mood these days so i took a couple pics yesterday on my to get my taxes done....enjoy
im in a really good mood these days so i took a couple pics yesterday on my to get my taxes done....enjoy
March 07, 2010
crazy heart
so i havent seen it...yet but Crazy Heart is a new movie out and my man Ryan Bingham just won an Oscar for his song in the movie. Congrats and if you havent heard of him, watch this video and then go to itunes or whatever you use for music and get everything he has cause he is gonna blow up soon and its gonna be amazing !!!
sleepy sunday
this weekend i went home to my hometown snowmobile rally, which was sooooo much fun. we didnt go on the runs cause we couldnt start the snowmachine plus it was supe warm so the trail got really bumpy and crappy later in the day and dad was out of town so we didnt wanna wreck anything so we went over to the hall in the rihno (which looks like a glorified golf cart hahaha) anyway i helped out in the kitchen and had some very yummy pergoies drenched in butter and fried onions topped with mushroom sauce and sour cream.
so then yesterday about 6pm, Brandy and Chantel decided to head back to the city to go bowling and out on the town well we didnt make it bowling but did make it out on the town and to say the least i had to many captian and cokes and now im very sleepy and going to spend the rest of the day lazy in bed, catching up on blogs and watching movies. tomorrow i am gonna get my ass in gear and go find a job cause i wanna go out to BC this summer to work so i need to try and make that happen plus im sooooo bored and have way to much time on my hands to take creeping on facebook to the next level.
March 04, 2010
I want to live
so im working on something for this summer and into the fall....im not sure i wanna say anything cause if it dosent work out then i dont wanna look back at this blog and remember my failure but rest assured i will update ya'll as it progresses but right now its just an idea and great things come from idea's right ???
Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.
I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live.
Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.
I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live.
March 03, 2010
100th POST
you know i really wish i had something better to write for my 100th post on here..but i dont so this is what you are stuck with more random rambling bullshit about my love life or lack there of.
ok well we all know i was talking to B-Rye online and randomly bumped into him on saturday night and he suggested we exchange numbers so anyway last night(tuesday) i texted him and asked if he wanted to see a movie and he said hes not a fan of going to the movies and so i said no worries then i proceeded to drown my sorrows in $2.50 captian and cokes and ended up deleting him number off my phone (which im kinda regretting)
but it just pisses me off ...i mean why get number if you have no intention of using it, im a big girl he could have just said nice to meet you and be done with it....i guess im just disapointed cause i thought i called it better than that.
so thats that, sorry it isnt more exciting for my 100th post (which im kinda stoked about in a weird little way) but it is what it is and this is my life good bad or indifferent but im really starting to think i need a job cause maybe the reason i feel this way is b/c i have so much time on my hands. oh and having all this time on my hands has allowed me to take facebook creeping to a whole new level hahaha and on that note im out for another day.
ok well we all know i was talking to B-Rye online and randomly bumped into him on saturday night and he suggested we exchange numbers so anyway last night(tuesday) i texted him and asked if he wanted to see a movie and he said hes not a fan of going to the movies and so i said no worries then i proceeded to drown my sorrows in $2.50 captian and cokes and ended up deleting him number off my phone (which im kinda regretting)
but it just pisses me off ...i mean why get number if you have no intention of using it, im a big girl he could have just said nice to meet you and be done with it....i guess im just disapointed cause i thought i called it better than that.
so thats that, sorry it isnt more exciting for my 100th post (which im kinda stoked about in a weird little way) but it is what it is and this is my life good bad or indifferent but im really starting to think i need a job cause maybe the reason i feel this way is b/c i have so much time on my hands. oh and having all this time on my hands has allowed me to take facebook creeping to a whole new level hahaha and on that note im out for another day.
February 28, 2010
life after you
i always try and tittle my posts after songs...this one is by daughtry (kinda of addicted to them as of late)
anyway....i have given online dating another shot and i have a crush !!!
let's call him.. B-Rye..so we have been talking on this online dating site and i realized that he is friends with or knows my "friend" Amanda (we arent really that close i know her through Mel) so whatever last night i went bowling with JL and then we met Brandy and Chantel at whisky jd's and i spot him from across the room so i kinda go stand over by where he is sitting hoping he will notice me but he dosent so im just standing there kinda creepy like hahaha anyway long story short Chantel went over to him (cause im a chicken shit even drunk lol) we talk and exchanged numbers and i totally creeped on his fbook and i really think i could like him so i hope he will call :)
thats all for today so im just gonna leave you with a pic of me that i picniked...enjoy
anyway....i have given online dating another shot and i have a crush !!!
let's call him.. B-Rye..so we have been talking on this online dating site and i realized that he is friends with or knows my "friend" Amanda (we arent really that close i know her through Mel) so whatever last night i went bowling with JL and then we met Brandy and Chantel at whisky jd's and i spot him from across the room so i kinda go stand over by where he is sitting hoping he will notice me but he dosent so im just standing there kinda creepy like hahaha anyway long story short Chantel went over to him (cause im a chicken shit even drunk lol) we talk and exchanged numbers and i totally creeped on his fbook and i really think i could like him so i hope he will call :)
thats all for today so im just gonna leave you with a pic of me that i picniked...enjoy
February 26, 2010
never mind me
so yesterday after Troy left Joelle asked me if i really felt awkward around him and i said kinda but i think i always will to a certain extent which makes me sad cause i always felt me and Troy were pretty good friends so she said that Troy kinda feels the same way and is kinda nervous to be around me b/c of what the ex said to him (second last paragraph) anyway i said this is bullshit, me and TL had some really good talks back in the day and its dumb cause its almost a year later Troy still feels like he needs to be careful around it all....the ex wasnt careful when he cheated and was with her two weeks after we broke up although Joelle did say that the ex asks Troy about me which is weird why the fuck would he care??? he dosent get to know those things anymore, he made that choice and he has to live with it cause it will be a cold cold day in hell before i ever forgive him for hurting me like that and there is no way that i will ever be friends with him (sorry little bitterness came out there)
anyway i wanted to write and give a little explanation for my blues the last few days, ive decided that next time Troy is around im gonna say this is dumb there is no reason we cant be kinda friends or whatever....im gonna be in Joelle's life and therefore in some weird way in his so he needs to get over whatever awkwardness there is with the ex
anyway i wanted to write and give a little explanation for my blues the last few days, ive decided that next time Troy is around im gonna say this is dumb there is no reason we cant be kinda friends or whatever....im gonna be in Joelle's life and therefore in some weird way in his so he needs to get over whatever awkwardness there is with the ex
February 24, 2010
sex and the city wisedom
there is a scene in an epsidoe of sex and the city where carrie someone breaks up with carrie and she still wants to be friends with them and miranda dosesnt agree with that she says something along the lines of...
"we loved, it didnt work out i need you to not exsit"
i think thats how i feel, i am aware the ex is living in stoon but i dont need to hear about it or even run into him and if i do i feel like im given every right to turn and walk the other way even if he has seen me. i relize that i should be a stronger person almost a year after the fact but screw that he lied, cheated and then lied about cheating. i do belive that im not bitter and angry anymore and maybe all these feelings have just been brought about b/c Troy is visiting in any case.....
"we loved, it didnt work out i need you to not exsit"
i think thats how i feel, i am aware the ex is living in stoon but i dont need to hear about it or even run into him and if i do i feel like im given every right to turn and walk the other way even if he has seen me. i relize that i should be a stronger person almost a year after the fact but screw that he lied, cheated and then lied about cheating. i do belive that im not bitter and angry anymore and maybe all these feelings have just been brought about b/c Troy is visiting in any case.....
"we loved, it didnt work out i need you to not exsit"
February 23, 2010
song for the lonely
im lonely.
i dont miss the ex but i miss having someone there at the end of the day.
this past weekend i went to Sam's staggette/shower and found out that another friend is engaged and another one got engaged while on a trip to mexico. im not jealous, i soooo happy for the both of them but they both have been with their guys for at least a year and i dunno i just feel like i wasted time with the ex...maybe this is all coming to ahead b/c here i am 25 and with nothing going really. i mean i have no job, no man, nothing....
im sad.
When you're standing on the edge of nowhere
There's only one way up
So your heart's got to go there
Through the darkest night
See the light shine bright
i dont miss the ex but i miss having someone there at the end of the day.
this past weekend i went to Sam's staggette/shower and found out that another friend is engaged and another one got engaged while on a trip to mexico. im not jealous, i soooo happy for the both of them but they both have been with their guys for at least a year and i dunno i just feel like i wasted time with the ex...maybe this is all coming to ahead b/c here i am 25 and with nothing going really. i mean i have no job, no man, nothing....
im sad.
When you're standing on the edge of nowhere
There's only one way up
So your heart's got to go there
Through the darkest night
See the light shine bright
February 22, 2010
GOD BLESS CANADA
i get that the olympics being in vancouver this year is a big deal for canada but i have never been more proud to be from this great country as i was when i was watching this video, that sounds weird but it really sums it all up what kind of people we are....
February 19, 2010
down the rabbit hole
so i cant remember a time when i was more excited to see a movie in my life.....
Alice in Wonderland comes out march 5th and im soooooooo excited !!!!!
I totally downloaded the soundtrack last night and its is in a word AWESOME !!!! there is music by shinedown (her name is alice), the all american rejects (poison) and grace potter (white rabbit)....i was out shopping today and even bought a super cool shirt to wear to the movie
i dont know how well you can see it but it's really cool, its black and blue anway ever since i saw the teaser trailer when it came out and then the amazing version syfy did , i have been dying to see this movie !!! i even bought the orginal story to read in prep....
January 28, 2010
random date update
as of late i like to think that im in a good place, mentally and emotionally so i allowed myself to go on this random date with my dad's friend son. he is a super nice guy, very sweet but there is just no spark, no initial attraction. i feel pretty shallow for saying that but come on who are we kidding looks play a part in whether we are attracted to someone or not. anyway i kinda messed up and have another date with him tomorrow to see Avatar (the movie made like a billion dollars and i wanna see what all the fuss is about) anyway im just not sure how to let him down. whatever i will deal with it when it comes, i just feel bad cause i know that he likes me more than i like him and our dad's know each other. arrrrg !!!! i shouldnt have done this again....i did this with Haldan and while it was great in the beginning, it ended badly and now our parents dont really talk anymore (this happened way before THE EX)
anyway like i was saying im in a good place so ive decided to give online dating another shot. im not expecting anything out of it but i just wanna see what happens b/c i feel like ive gotten to a place where i can start to think of being involved with someone again....anyway i just wanna take whatever comes along very slow and carefully so here's to hoping. wish me luck !!!
anyway like i was saying im in a good place so ive decided to give online dating another shot. im not expecting anything out of it but i just wanna see what happens b/c i feel like ive gotten to a place where i can start to think of being involved with someone again....anyway i just wanna take whatever comes along very slow and carefully so here's to hoping. wish me luck !!!
mexico pictures....enjoy
January 25, 2010
here in the real world
well i made it through christmas and new years and mexico, which was amazing !!!!
10 days in paridise was heaven !!! i needed mexico in more ways than one. we laid on the beach, drank and visited a wonder of the world.
now im back in the real world which means off my parents farm (where i have been living for the past month) and back to stoon. i need a job and a doctor and maybe a guy to hang out with when the nights get cold. speaking of which i had my date saturday night and well it went well but i dont really see him as serious thing. i guess we will just have to wait and see.
so now im living with Joelle and her two cousins and liking it so far although we have been snowed in for the last day and half, i hate sasky winters and wish i was back in mexico on the beach with beer hahaha
i will post pics of mexico soon as i am using a friends computer to write this post (i need a computer badly its not even funny anymore, hopefully will get one by weeks end)
till next time....
10 days in paridise was heaven !!! i needed mexico in more ways than one. we laid on the beach, drank and visited a wonder of the world.
now im back in the real world which means off my parents farm (where i have been living for the past month) and back to stoon. i need a job and a doctor and maybe a guy to hang out with when the nights get cold. speaking of which i had my date saturday night and well it went well but i dont really see him as serious thing. i guess we will just have to wait and see.
so now im living with Joelle and her two cousins and liking it so far although we have been snowed in for the last day and half, i hate sasky winters and wish i was back in mexico on the beach with beer hahaha
i will post pics of mexico soon as i am using a friends computer to write this post (i need a computer badly its not even funny anymore, hopefully will get one by weeks end)
till next time....
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