songs like this

its all over with joker.

i messaged him sunday night and he was online monday am and i never got anything back so i called him today around 230 and its now 745 and nothing so i messaged him online and said:

so i just wanted to message you and say it was nice talking to ya but im not playing games so you need to find another girl to do that with. maybe you are dealing with alot right now but maybe not since you havent given me a reason to think other wise. so have a good one and later.

i dont need to played and if he messages me then i will just tell him he missed the boat, i cried twice over him and thats too many times for someone i havent even met. i deleted him from my phone, my msn and my online profile.

it is what it is....im disapointed cause i thought it could be something really great but 3 strikes you're out....i deserve better than that. if i hear from him i will post again but i kinda hope i dont cause i dont wanna deal with it, im emotionally exhausted from it all.

life after you

its been one year today since my whole world came crashing down. i dont feel any better, i mean maybe a little bit but .... i just wish there was pill to make it all better and make me forget what happened and how im feeling right now....i hate the fact that a year later i still feel like this....i dont miss him, i miss having someone there, i miss that compainonship....the fact that things arent really working out with joker (name is kinda fitting now) might have something to do with how i feel right now....im disapointed that i put myself out there and i dont feel like things are ever gonna happen with him and maybe i just need to take that as a sign that its not ment to be or that he's just not that into me...i mean if he ever shows up at my door good lord i think i will faint...but im not holding my breathe , i mean he says he wants to hang out but i dont believe him and to make it all worse B and C bet on the fact that he wouldnt show up....im sooooo fuckin pissed at both of them !!! i would never to that do either them even if i was joking about it.....whatever i guess it just goes to show what kind of friends they really are.

ever ever after

Sam got married !!!

so now she is offically a wife(that feels weird to type)
it was an amazing wedding, filled with love and laughter.  i love them both very much and am so happy they met and made the choice to begin a wonderful life together :)

side note = joker apologized on msn the day after st.patty's day (which i still dont really believe his whole story but whatever) anyway we are gonna try and go for supper tomorrow so we will see how it goes and if it happens at all...i will keep ya updated.

tumblin tears

so im done with mr.joker.

to make a long story short, he said he would come out for st.patty's day and after no answer to my texts, i tried callling only to find out that his phone was off and im done....3 strikes your out

however once i got home from st.pattys day drinking and fueled by too many double captian and cokes i sent him this little message

you know our little date isnt gonna happen on tuesday cause you need to give me a reason to believe anything you say cause im not gonna be a little webcam whore for you, if thats all you want then you need to find another girl to fuck around cause its sure as shit not gonna be me


well if that dosent send a clear message i dont know what will.....and whats the worst that could happen right, like i said he is out of my life just a fast as he came into it and i move on, its really not gonna make things any worse cause im soooooooooooooo done playing these bullshit games.

dont worry.....i'll let you know what happens

actions speak louder than words

He messaged me back on the dating site….he said he didn’t get home till Monday night and maybe we can hang out tomorrow (which is now today)


so yesterday I get a text in the early afternoon from joker, just kinda like hey what’s up so we continue to text and whatever so he tells he is coming into the city for his bday and wants to know when we can hang out (third time since we started talking that he’s mentioned this) so I said why don’t I buy him a bday drink at this bar that is close to my friends place so he’s all like oh that’s where me and my buddies are going and yes maybe the next thing wasn’t the smartest idea on my part but I was like oh well why don’t me and my friend just meet you there later and he said ok he will text me if they leave so whatever … anyway to make a long story short I never heard from him for the rest of the night and ya maybe he got drunk and just forgot so I texted him around 1030 and said have a happy birthday im gonna call it a night, I also took in an step further and messaged him on the online dating site around 1230 and said hope ya had a good bday maybe we can get it together enough to meet up one of these days.

I mean what’s the worst that could happen??? He doesn’t return my texts or messages and is out of my life just as fast as he came into it….I just don’t care….im over it….im just hurt that I put myself out there and made every effort to hang out and he cant nail down plans so now this is strike two so as far as im concerned strike 3 and you’re out cause he is not gaining any points in my book with this bullshit behaviour. If he texts me again and asks to hang out im gonna say pick a day, pick a time and pick me up then sit around in my sweats till he actually comes to the door cause it will be his last chance !!!!

more boys i meet

you know im really over all this bullshit !!!  i dont care anymore cause no matter what i do (or dont do) i get screwed over !!!

i am on this online dating website and i have been talking to this guy...joker....anyway we talked for like 4 hrs on msn last friday and kinda made plans to have dinner on sunday when he got back into town (cause he was going out of town for the weekend) well sunday came and went and nothing !!! no phone call ....no text.....nothing !!!
im soooo pissed off cause its monday and well what makes it all the more worse is that on friday after our like convo he texted me like 2 hrs later and said he was looking forward to talking to me in person and i went on the little online dating site where i met him and he was on today.
i deleted his number from my phone on friday cause i didnt wanna acidentlly drunk text him on saturday night when i was out , so as when i was on my lil dating site, i sent him a message (i probally shouldn't have and just let him come to me but whatever, its not like its gonna make things worse) anyway i just said hey how was the weekend....i think thats pretty safe.

whatever im just over it all, i dont care anymore, im just sooooooooooooooo tired of playing these bullshit games....i mean i put myself out there and look at this twice now ive been screwed over......

you know maybe im reading too much into it and blowing this way out wack but still call or text to say you got home late and lets do it another time .... FUCK !!!! im just hurt and soooooooooooooo over it all

I shall believe in the road to redemption

So this morning as I was waiting to take the bus downtown to get the rest of my taxes done, I was approached by a man. He turned out to be a Jehovah’s witness and was passing out some reading material. I politely said no. so he gave me a little flyer on an event they were having. I threw it out later.


I have no problem with people and them believing in something different than me, just don’t try to push it on me. I made up my mind about my mind about my belief system a long time ago and it works for me. I’m not going to get into what I do and do not believe cause its personal and I don’t feel like I have to defend it to anyone.


Anyway I got my taxes done and am getting back more than I originally thought (whoop whoop !!!) so now I can go shopping with my mother at the end of the month. Also when I was downtown this am, people were playing street hockey in front of the public library. They had like a whole big tournament and everything, I’m pretty sure it’s a yearly thing but I’ve never seen it cause A) I’ve never been up at early and downtown or B) I’ve been up and at work and had no idea it was going on.
 

and tonite I'm heading to a local country bar (not the twig) to see an awesome band...LONGSHOT !!!
 
 

here comes the sun

it's starting to get nicer in my fair....the birds are singing, puddles are starting to form (along with mud which i stepped in today with my kickass new shoes :( ), weddings are starting take place (SM's is next weekend)

im in a really good mood these days so i took a couple pics yesterday on my to get my taxes done....enjoy

crazy heart

so i havent seen it...yet but Crazy Heart is a new movie out and my man Ryan Bingham just won an Oscar for his song in the movie. Congrats and if you havent heard of him, watch this video and then go to itunes or whatever you use for music and get everything he has cause he is gonna blow up soon and its gonna be amazing !!!

 

sleepy sunday

this weekend i went home to my hometown snowmobile rally, which was sooooo much fun. we didnt go on the runs cause we couldnt start the snowmachine plus it was supe warm so the trail got really bumpy and crappy later in the day and dad was out of town so we didnt wanna wreck anything so we went over to the hall in the rihno (which looks like a glorified golf cart hahaha) anyway i helped out in the kitchen and had some very yummy pergoies drenched in butter and fried onions topped with mushroom sauce and sour cream.

so then yesterday about 6pm, Brandy and Chantel decided to head back to the city to go bowling and out on the town well we didnt make it bowling but did make it out on the town and to say the least i had to many captian and cokes and now im very sleepy and going to spend the rest of the day lazy in bed, catching up on blogs and watching movies. tomorrow i am gonna get my ass in gear and go find a job cause i wanna go out to BC this summer to work so i need to try and make that happen plus im sooooo bored and have way to much time on my hands to take creeping on facebook to the next level.

I want to live

so im working on something for this summer and into the fall....im not sure i wanna say anything cause if it dosent work out then i dont wanna look back at this blog and remember my failure but rest assured i will update ya'll as it progresses but right now its just an idea and great things come from idea's right ???

Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give,
I wanna live.

100th POST

you know i really wish i had something better to write for my 100th post on here..but i dont so this is what you are stuck with more random rambling bullshit about my love life or lack there of.

ok well we all know i was talking to B-Rye online and randomly bumped into him on saturday night and he suggested we exchange numbers so anyway last night(tuesday) i texted him and asked if he wanted to see a movie and he said hes not a fan of going to the movies and so i said no worries then i proceeded to drown my sorrows in $2.50 captian and cokes and ended up deleting him number off my phone (which im kinda regretting)
but it just pisses me off ...i mean why get number if you have no intention of using it, im a big girl he could have just said nice to meet you and be done with it....i guess im just disapointed cause i thought i called it better than that.

so thats that, sorry it isnt more exciting for my 100th post (which im kinda stoked about in a weird little way) but it is what it is and this is my life good bad or indifferent but im really starting to think i need a job cause maybe the reason i feel this way is b/c i have so much time on my hands. oh and having all this time on my hands has allowed me to take facebook creeping to a whole new level hahaha and on that note im out for another day.