There are days

So I have totally failed on keeping up with this blog but with a puppy its kind of hard to find the time to sit down and write – work has been slow these last couple weeks so I guess I could have done it there but whatever.

In the time that we have gotten Memphis I must say I have gone through every emotion one can from joy or sorrow to anger and everything in between. There were days I second guessed myself in getting him, there were days I thought I will never sleep again, days where it would break my heart to leave each morning cause I could hear his high pitched cries as I walked down the hall and through the patio door once I got down to the car.

Those days are becoming few and far between…right now I belive that he knows when I leave in the am it is what it is and mom and dad will be back (dosent stop him from jumping around all excited when I do walk through the door at night), belive that he understands when we go in the bedroom that its bed time and mom is not fucking around.

We are only 3 short weeks away from his last shot and *finger crossed we wont have snow by then* we can then start taking him on long walks so he can explore the world around him and burn off some energy.

I will try to keep posting as much as I can but for now here is some pictures of my sweet sweet boy….

One week...

Well it’s been a week today since Memphis came home and I don’t remember what sleep is anymore. I love him , I really do and I knew that it would be a lot of work but no one prepares you for this.

I mean I did a lot of reading before I even knew Memphis was coming into our lives, no article tells you that you are only going to sleep 6 hours a night and that you should nap when puppy dose. I feel like having a new puppy is a lot like having a child. You have to teach him and play with him and clean up his shit when he goes on the floor while you are away and proceeds to walk in it (totally happened last night!)

I feel guilty when we go out to work or even if we come home and then have to leave again. Cory told me to stop worrying so much and I told him that I have wanted a dog for so long that I’m so scared something is going to happen now that we have him.

I struggle every day with the choices I make for him because what I do today and how I react to him and how I teach him what to do or what not to do will determine what kind of dog he is going to be for the next 10-15 years. It’s a huge weight.

He is so smart though and he’s been learning so quick.  He knows when it’s bedtime and for the last two nights he has slept through the night. He knows when we are leaving for work in the morning – we have to bribe him with his breakfast now….he is starting to explore beyond the confines of the kitchen and living room – he went into the bathroom the other morning while Cory was on the toilet

 There have been an accident or two and a bite/nibble on the toes/fingers but I can see how much he is learning and getting better every day and I thank the heavens for each day I get to spend with him.

Introduction

As some of you know may know or not know it has been a rough road to this point….

 A couple years ago I had a beautiful little boy named Bo and right when he was set to come home he caught parvovirus and went to play in that big dog park in the sky. I have looked at other dogs and puppies since then and no one seemed quite right. It wasn’t until a late Saturday in July that I came across and ad on kijjji for a puppy. Upon looking at the pictures and reading the information, I knew he was the right one , I knew he was meant to be mine. So after some quick phone calls , texts and emails and quick thinking on mine and Cory’s part to determine if we were really ready for such a big life change; we had made arrangements for my mom to go meet the puppy and the breeder to get a feel since we were not able to just pick and leave to PA that day. A couple hours, some more text and phones calls later , he was ours…well he was on hold for us.  Thus began the long wait for him to come home. That day finally came home on Aug 14-14.

The moment she handed him to me I fell in love and I mean the love where you know something is so right and that piece that had been missing is finally in place. Don’t get me wrong I have been so happy since sept 2013 when I met Cory but this was different, this is something that I have had missing in my heart and in my soul for along as I can remember. I don’t want kids and Cory is happy to not have another so this is my child.

I feel pretty to have gotten to bond with him so quickly and as you will be able to tell by the pictures I will post and the things I will write he is a total mama’s boy.

I did it. 
I’m leaving my job after only 4 months. It’s been a great experience and a great learning process.

I've learned that I need more action. I’m going to another office but it’s a business with customers and plans and a clear cut plan of what each day needs to bring.

I’m also starting to help Alana with a new adventure. I’m not sure what it is or what it will be yet but I think it will be lots of fun and lots of work. I think it will bring me closer to my dream of opening up my own thrift/consignment shop

It’s something I've been thinking and dreaming of for a couple months and maybe right now all I need to do is start collecting over the summer and have small sales in the fall/winter, maybe I could sell out of there every other weekend, get it to be a regular thing. I have a garage that I have full use of so that could store a lot of stuff. Maybe work it I like the pop up shops I have started seeing around. I need a name though and more of a plan….right now it’s just in the dream stage but it makes getting through the day better because I can scheme on names and look online for sales and Kijiji for funky things. 

at a crossroads....

i feel like im at a crossroads - on one hand i want to leave my job but on the other i feel terrible leaving after only 4 months....at what point do you walk away because you have the gut feeling that it just isn't right?

i know that im ment for something different....i think i was so excited to leave McD that i didnt really think about all this would entail and now im feeling more and more that im just not cut out for it.

im going to talk to a career counselor and see if they can give me some direction but falling short of that im going to stay applying at other places because the golden rule is dont walk away till you have something to walk to and really its not fair to me or them if my hearts just not in it cause im just wasting everyone's time.

#love #fishing #home #candlelake

tomorrow i turn 29

i dont feel like its my birthday, when i was younger birthdays felt special , felt like you were the only person in the world and the whole place was celebrating you and the fact that you were another year old

maybe its because money has been tight lately.Cory had some trouble at the beginning of the month and i helped well the problem is that i helped so much that i cant celebrate the way i want or wish and i know i should be happy that i have someone in my life who loves me but he cant spoil me and treat me how i feel like a boyfriend should on his girlfriends birthday
im also missing my mom and dad, they are gone again this year and mom forgot to leave me a card to open and i know it shouldnt be that big of a deal but it just feels like everyone who i love , who is close to me forgot to celebrate me

i have a get together planned with my close friends but at this point i dont even feel like doing that - i dont even feel like going out tonight or even going over to cory's house - i feel like curling up and crying and sleeping away the day i was born. i guess i just want to feel young again , to be spoiled for one day out of 365