good to be me....

i had yet another amazing weekend at the lake.

i went up friday night, got smashed and made $125 in tips.
went on a beer run saturday, worked that night, got smashed again and stayed the night in a bed with Kylie and Brett with Kory sleeping on top of a bunkbed.
worked sunday then got smashed in shack with my boss and two other people and then decided it was time that me and Kory fix things.
i txted him and said that i wanted to talk to him and he said ya but there is always people around so i suggested we go for a drive, he agreed...so i picked him up and we drove around....i apologized for what happend with me and Cody and he said dont worry about, save your sorrys for something sad...he told me that he thought i was mad at him, i told him that i valued our friendship and that i wanted to keep in my life as a friend, he agreed and wants the same thing, i asked him how come he hasnt texted me or called and he said neither have you.....
he is going through some really big stuff right now and my heart breaks for him cause he is a good person and he dosent deserve whats happening, its just not fair....

we arent back where we were but at least we have now taken steps to fix what may or may not have been broken.
i care about him as a person and as a friend and if we are a story that never gets told then thats fine cause i know i said in the past about Kevin but i mean it with Kory that if all we are is friends then great cause i would rather have him in my life as that then not at all but despite what ive said and how it looks on the outside there is something there, you cant deny that, people look at the way we are around each other and there is something there i just know it .... i cant wait for him but im not interested in having anything else with anyone else, i love my single life and plan on staying this way for awhile; however Kory is the ONLY exeption to that rule

one before the one

ive been thinking lately bout "the one" and if there really is that one person who make you better person in every way possible' mentally, physically, emotionally. now i havent found my "one" or have really even decided if there is just one but what i have noticed is that im tending to be the one before the one ala good luck chuck (mmm dane cook)

what do i mean by this you may ask well lets look back .... by the way its not by chance that im posting this on the 2 year aniversary of THE END because when something you thought was so sure comes to a halt and shakes you to your core, you really take stock and do a total 360 of your life and your belief system and i think there needs to be a certian level of respect paid to what was, what is and what will be...
now back to the one before the one...after THE END the ex took up with a girl (who shall never be mentioned even though i know her name and may or may not have facebook stalked here like once or twice or five times) they are still together and by the buzz from mutal friends all signs point to the alter anyway so fine the ex of 2 years moving on not such a big deal untill i hear from another mutal friend about K, apprently he met some chick and is head over heels for her even going so far as to change his facebook pic and realtionship status (something he never did with me) (i creeped and its at the end of this post...i will wait as you scoll down to look ... jepordy music as you find your spot again.....pretty weird right ????) as well as also taking himself off a well known dating website (again something he never did with me)
this whole charade brings up questions in my head...why not me? why wasnt i wasnt i the one who inspired all these changes? i know i cant change what happened between us and i just have to accept the reality as it is but really !? like c'mon !! it does give me some small piece of mind/victory knowing that people like him will never truly change and its only a matter of time before he cheats on her (which will happen at CCJ) or spends all her money (which will happen this summer cuz shes a teacher, not in my system i already checked on that too) and im happy knowing that it wont be me that has to deal with all that heartbreak/bullshit all over again that being said it dose sting a little knowing he apprently stupidly happy with her...

so there you have it 2 for 2 and just wait im 90% sure in a couple months i will write a follow post anncoucing that KE has found someone new now that hes online dating only a few short weeks after he told me that he didnt want a realtionship...check that he just didnt want one with me....

im not sad today but like i said i just feel that today attention should be paid to what was, what is and what will be....

success of st.patty's day

 st.patty's 2011 was a grand success.

 i had the best time with all my friends.

 friends who i dont normally party with but they made it amazing and it just goes to show me how ive created a pretty amazing group of people to surround myself with and that makes me very happy :)

where does happiness come from?

last night i was having a conversation with my mom regarding the fact that B & C were questioning my why i didnt have a boyfriend or even want on for that matter and she said i just want you to be happy.....

why dose my happiness have to come from a guy?

why cant it come from the relationships i have with my friends and family?

why cant it come from my career?

why cant it come from my hobbies ? and my love of travel and trying new things?

she said i was totally right and then she said im so much stronger than my brother. she worries about him, bout his life choices and his ability to see beyond whats right in front of him.....i said all this to her have i ever been a big get-married-and-have-kids kind of girl? she said no never .

why have a relationship/marriage?

95% of all marriages end in divorce (i know thats not a reason to not do it)

i said to her...do you really want me to call you crying on the lawn at 3am or deal with the emotional disaster that was up to 6 months after the end with THE EX cause i really have no need to feel any of that again. im not saying im not gonna get into a relationship with someone because im scared of being hurt, im just being realistic and im really starting to think despite what all my friends are doing and how they are feeling and how they think i should feel is that marriage just isnt for me and im really ok with that.

moments of weakness

this weekend was a tough on for me.

while im really enjoying being single and would not settle to be with someone that didnt give me the za za zu just for the sake of being with someone, there are moments when it would be nice to have someone there. dont get me wrong i have a great group of friends and i love them all dearly but sometimes you just need a boyfriend....like when you need to go to the emergency room at 930pm on a friday night or when you are in bed sick all day on a monday. it would have been nice for a boyfriend to drive me to the emergency room and sit with me till 130 am or to bring me chicken noodle soup on monday after work.

i shouldnt complain but it gets hard sometimes and maybe im just having a lonely moment even so....

Google me ? Google you !

I believe I’m a relatively sane person (maybe not the best way to start a blog post) I mean that when it comes to guys, 90% of the time I’m not the crazy chick that guys seem to think most girls are; however this all goes out the window when I met a new guy that I like.
Let me explain…..once I find out their last name I take creeping online to a whole level (according to my friends anyway) I Google them…I Bing them…I facebook them…I even Google map them (which I recently found out I can get like a real life pic of their house (if I know their address, can we say stalker))….90% of the time nothing comes up except their facebook profile and at which time I look through every picture/mutual friend/hot guy they are friends with in pics….its really sad sometimes, I mean I waste at least a minimum of 2 hrs doing this….My point is that I did this to Cody and it gave me the page of the phonebook where his name/address/phone number is listed……I’m all for online stalking gathering information but that is just crazy !!
This is just the reason I don’t put my full name on the internet, mind you I don’t really have anything to hid other than my blog(s) and my online dating profile (which is not going as well as I hoped) speaking of which I found out KE is on the same site and when I log out each day(cause I check it like a crazy person) I check his profile to see when he was last online….I’m moving on but still it makes me sad but then I stop being sad and be awesome instead !!!

Dear men of the world....

before i post i would just like to stay that i found a blog called Back to the BasicK.....its AMAZING !!! she as a shitload of awesome photo/quotes/posts....seriously check her out !

Dear men of the world,
[and yes, i realize how gender specific this post is]
Be good to women. and if you have one woman in your life.... that you care about. like for real...be even better to her.

Tell her shes beautiful. tell her she is good. tell her how she is your sanity. your muse. communicate. text message. call. write a letter. send an email. a momento. a song.

And when she is with you. hold her hand. touch her knee. look at her kinda creepy sometimes, because you know what? you could die tomorrow…and god damnit you would want to remember that face. right? and those eyes. kiss her in public. don't cling but be there. touch the small of her back. smile from across the room. make love to her. make her feel sexy. desired. FUCK her.

And when you are not together. make time to not be together. together.
Be honest. don't half ass anything. anything. don't nitpick. don't tease out of spite. don't be silent either. understand that certain things hit home more than others. know that she is product of her past. just as you are.

And be real. and not just when your drunk. spill your guts. what does it feel like to be you? how would i ever know unless you tell her?
Bring her flowers. come over to her place. pay for her shitty beer. make her feel good about where she is at. and who she is with. and about her hair. let her have her space, but ask to invade it. and don't rule anything out, because if you really care about a woman. you will go the extra mile. you will go out of your comfort zone. to slay a fuckin dragon. or to even just kill a spider. and roll up your sleeves. and lay down your coat. or even just sleep in her bed, for one night.


Be a man. man up. put on your fuckin armor and then take it off when you get to her. and the time comes. to be humble and noble. and pure.

Because you know what? some other man else will eventually go that extra mile. slay a dragon or two. and take the extra step. and say fuck it to the man comfort zone. to get to her. and you will lose.
And one day. in the mail. you will get a letter from her lover, boyfriend, husband or lie partner and it will read: “thank you for not doing x,y, and z, because she is the amazing and she is my world”.
Yeah. Thatt.
Sincerely,
One woman of the world

Hangover Wednesday

You may wonder why im hungover on a Wednesday or why I feel like this title might be a regular occurrence such as Monday morning confessions…..well let me tell you , I play slow pitch every Tuesday with like 10 guys so we normally have a bucket of beer (or 5) so as it so happens we played a late game last night and went out for a few after the game….i didn’t get home till 2am and up at 6am so now here I am running on 4 hrs of sleep, chugging down tummies and wishing kindergarten wasn’t so loud….

i was not ment for this....

its -45 in my city today.

its been like this for a week.

this is bullshit !!!!

i started my application to live down under for 6 months yesterday.

i was not ment to withstand this nonsense weather.

its gonna be like this for two more weeks !!!