what about me says fuck me over?
I mean ive fucked around so dose that mean I don't get to have the happy ending , all I get is just endings?
dose it mean that I now get fucked over ?

i'm beyond over it, so much so that I feel like I need to move out of stoon to escape my past, escape my choices, escape me....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

im just so upset and frustrated and its always the same thing over and over and over again


FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

you know sometimes it amazes me how some people think they are more important than others when time and time again the powers that be tell you that you are both on equal playing feild

how is what you do in a day more important than what i do when we do totally different jobs

i mean how big a deal do you fucking think you are to not have to answer the phones or deal with customers and tell others what to do???!!!

 it just fucking boggles my mind

nevermind the fact that you threw a fit and got a raise and an office upstairs and clearly want to take over every part of my job.....


im begining to wonder if its even worth fighting for........

ive been doing alot better lately
maybe its cause i started to get some help

i hate admiting i need help
i always want to take care of it myself
i want to be strong but sometimes its to much and thats when i go see L

im consumed myself with work and ball and all that summer brings

im not perfect, ive made bad choices and some really horrible ones, ones that could affect the lives of many people if the truth ever got out. im not happy about these choices, i wish i could take it back but im ashamed to admit its not the first time ive made that choice

i guess its still a struggle every day and every day is a new battle

"we're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils"

sometimes I feel really alone
sometimes I get in my head and over analyze a situation
sometimes I feel hopeless

I had a great weekend, met a great guy and I want it to go down the right road but every fibre of my being is telling me to stop and run
its telling me that it wont work
its telling me that he will fuck me over just like every other guy before him and everyone after

people say oh T don't worry, you'll meet someone when the times right but if I sabotage every good thing (or what I think are good things) then will it really?
they say that he wasn't right....it ever going to be?
they say just forget and move on

they don't know what the hurt feels like
they don't know how I pretend to be happy and smile and go through the day like I don't care when really deep down I care to much and maybe that's my problem is that I care to much to soon
maybe I shouldn't sleep with them right away
maybe I should just play it cool

maybe its all my fault
maybe something is wrong with me

maybe......

ive been struggling a lot lately
I don't know when it started and im scared it wont stop
I feel lost

work is stressful and it dosent help when just because someone cant get all their work done in the day they get moved upstairs in their own office and they don't have to deal with the day to day shit, I just wonder sometimes what im working so hard for like where is my cushy office, ive been there a year and half , this bitch has been there 4 months and has only actually been in the office for maybe half of that
its seems unfair that just because she has a kid she gets special treatment
sometimes I feel taken advantage of because I don't have a marriage and child

but then again all I have in life right now is work
no relationship and the better part of my friends have relationships

I dunno I sometimes feel like one part starts to go right and then other part falls apart like if everything is awesome at work then there are no boys and if the boy part is great the work thing falls to shit

when is it all gonna come together?

run run Color Run