saturday night me and AG had our movie night...we didnt go see UP cause he was out of town for the day and didnt get back to the city till like 1020 and the movie started at 1010 so we rented nick and norah's infinate playlist(great movie) and taken and had a night in....it was nice we cuddled on the couch and had a sleepover....
i'm not sure how to feel about it all...i dont want to get too excited cause i dont wanna have to deal with the dissapointment plus what can really happen when i only have two weeks left in the city....i think i will just let it all be and see what happens....
i have started seeing a counsellor....i had a breakdown friday after work and mom and B said that yes maybe its time i start seeing someone with an unbiased view of it all cause they dont know what to say or how to help me anymore....so i went and it was good, she kinda told me what everyone has been telling me for the past couple months but she also said i'm a realtionship-orinated person not just in actual realtionships but with family and friends as well...she said that i need to focus on just being me and breathing on my own and finding out who i really am and what i really want...she put into words my feelings about the whole thing....i am seeing her again on the 12th and that will be probably it and we will see how the summer goes and where i end up because on that point i'm still not sure...i like where i am now cause i have people here who do care about me but i could really go anywhere from sasky to BC cause i have family in every province....if i am ment to be somewhere then thats where i will end up....
wherever you go, that's where you are
June 01, 2009
May 29, 2009
It would be funny if it wasn’t my life….
There has been a lot going on in the last week that this blog might be all over the place….
A few weeks ago I went out to the bar with a few friends and one of their friends brought along this really good-looking, nice guy so I was talking to her asking her where they met and you know the nice things to say when you meet a friends new man for the first time well she said they met on cupid.com, so I got to thinking and decided I would sign up, I mean what’s the worst that could happen….I know I know but even still I decided to give it a shot...pretty soon this guy messaged me and we began exchanging messages and now we are meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon in a very public place during daylight hours and if it goes bad then it’s only a cup of coffee and if not then it could extend into more than just coffee but I am going in eyes and ears open.
On Tuesday me and JL decided we were gonna go to the movies…well last night I got a call from her telling me and KS had texted her asking her if she wanted to go with him and CS and his new gf, she’s like uh no cuz I am going with TW and he’s all like oh which one , she’s like not sure yet but I will let you know and he’s like ya cuz it might be awkward….all I can do is laugh at the whole situation cause she doesn’t even like him like that and he has got it bad for her but what makes me shake my head is that she never hung out with him until me and her became friends and it just blows my mind how these boys think I mean would they not know me and her hang out even after all the disaster that is this break-up….and how awkward would that be for her I mean if he wanted to ask her out why would he suggest coming with his brother and his new gf why just take her out just the two of them...ARRRRRG !!!! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT ALL THIS BULLSHIT!!!!
So in the end we decided to have our movie night in…I have no respect for him after all the lies and cheating but I don’t need to see him and his new gf out and about on the town ARRRRRG !!!
Now speaking of movies, me and AG are going to see UP tomorrow night because he made fun of me for wanting to go see it so I told him that we should go together and he will love it.
That is my life and let me tell you if I was watching this all happen to someone else it would be funny….I just have to laugh to keep for falling apart…I need to get out of the city and get away from all this bullshit that keeps happening to me and just have fun and I dunno I know I said I wanted to say in the city cause I don’t feel like it’s fair that he take that from me but I honestly don’t know if I can…..
A few weeks ago I went out to the bar with a few friends and one of their friends brought along this really good-looking, nice guy so I was talking to her asking her where they met and you know the nice things to say when you meet a friends new man for the first time well she said they met on cupid.com, so I got to thinking and decided I would sign up, I mean what’s the worst that could happen….I know I know but even still I decided to give it a shot...pretty soon this guy messaged me and we began exchanging messages and now we are meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon in a very public place during daylight hours and if it goes bad then it’s only a cup of coffee and if not then it could extend into more than just coffee but I am going in eyes and ears open.
On Tuesday me and JL decided we were gonna go to the movies…well last night I got a call from her telling me and KS had texted her asking her if she wanted to go with him and CS and his new gf, she’s like uh no cuz I am going with TW and he’s all like oh which one , she’s like not sure yet but I will let you know and he’s like ya cuz it might be awkward….all I can do is laugh at the whole situation cause she doesn’t even like him like that and he has got it bad for her but what makes me shake my head is that she never hung out with him until me and her became friends and it just blows my mind how these boys think I mean would they not know me and her hang out even after all the disaster that is this break-up….and how awkward would that be for her I mean if he wanted to ask her out why would he suggest coming with his brother and his new gf why just take her out just the two of them...ARRRRRG !!!! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT ALL THIS BULLSHIT!!!!
So in the end we decided to have our movie night in…I have no respect for him after all the lies and cheating but I don’t need to see him and his new gf out and about on the town ARRRRRG !!!
Now speaking of movies, me and AG are going to see UP tomorrow night because he made fun of me for wanting to go see it so I told him that we should go together and he will love it.
That is my life and let me tell you if I was watching this all happen to someone else it would be funny….I just have to laugh to keep for falling apart…I need to get out of the city and get away from all this bullshit that keeps happening to me and just have fun and I dunno I know I said I wanted to say in the city cause I don’t feel like it’s fair that he take that from me but I honestly don’t know if I can…..
May 26, 2009
My own backyard
Lately I have been taking walks around my neighborhood mainly cause its really nice out and I don’t wanna be stuck inside all evening but also because I was going to join the gym but why pay to walk on the treadmill when I can walk around outside in the beautiful weather.
My condo is on the edge of a golf course, now before you go getting all jealous it’s not as fancy as it sounds. I live on a crescent and there are like 12 buildings with apartments and condos in them and the end of the all the parking lots to the east is golf course. Then a few blocks down from my crescent is a civic center with a pool and a library and all that.
I put on my ipod and get dressed up with my runners and sunglasses and off I go. I have started going around 8 pm because it’s still sunny out and usually there are people out and about walking/running/biking/doing various other outdoor activities.
Yesterday I took my camera with me, thinking I could capture some really great images and I did but I was also a bit of a dork lol I took a few self portraits mainly for f-book but also to my in my scrapping album cause with no bf and all my friends out of town for the summer or planning weddings I need something a little more to concentrate on in that area but that’s an issue for another blog.
I will try and post pics from yesterday as soon as I can but with no computer in the house right now it might be kind of hard. B moved out for the summer/fall and took her comp with her so no more creeping on f-book and it will even get hard next week cause I wont be at the same job everyday like I have been for the last 3 weeks.
Speaking of work, I’m really sad to leave here. I feel like I have made some real connections here and am really sad to have to walk away from it. I think that’s the worst thing about being a sub, you go into these schools for a couple days or weeks and make these connections and then its all gone one day. I have gotten used to the joking around with the period prep teachers on the morning coffee break. They just make me laugh and smile even on the bad days.
I guess that’s life, if I’m meant to be somewhere then that’s where I will end up. I believe this is true for anything and everything that is happening in my life right now.
My condo is on the edge of a golf course, now before you go getting all jealous it’s not as fancy as it sounds. I live on a crescent and there are like 12 buildings with apartments and condos in them and the end of the all the parking lots to the east is golf course. Then a few blocks down from my crescent is a civic center with a pool and a library and all that.
I put on my ipod and get dressed up with my runners and sunglasses and off I go. I have started going around 8 pm because it’s still sunny out and usually there are people out and about walking/running/biking/doing various other outdoor activities.
Yesterday I took my camera with me, thinking I could capture some really great images and I did but I was also a bit of a dork lol I took a few self portraits mainly for f-book but also to my in my scrapping album cause with no bf and all my friends out of town for the summer or planning weddings I need something a little more to concentrate on in that area but that’s an issue for another blog.
I will try and post pics from yesterday as soon as I can but with no computer in the house right now it might be kind of hard. B moved out for the summer/fall and took her comp with her so no more creeping on f-book and it will even get hard next week cause I wont be at the same job everyday like I have been for the last 3 weeks.
Speaking of work, I’m really sad to leave here. I feel like I have made some real connections here and am really sad to have to walk away from it. I think that’s the worst thing about being a sub, you go into these schools for a couple days or weeks and make these connections and then its all gone one day. I have gotten used to the joking around with the period prep teachers on the morning coffee break. They just make me laugh and smile even on the bad days.
I guess that’s life, if I’m meant to be somewhere then that’s where I will end up. I believe this is true for anything and everything that is happening in my life right now.
May 25, 2009
Monday Confessions
So you know how I had this huge crush on RK well that’s all over with. MB, AH and I all went out a cabaret on Saturday and he was there but was hitting on this other girl all night and kind of didn’t really want anything to do with me so whatever I drank and danced the night away even ran into a few people I hadn’t seen in a really long time like MO but more on that later.
Towards the end of the night AG comes up to me and says that he knows what happened between me and RK and starts to tell me that the next day when everyone asked him what happened he said nothing, now I didn’t really want him to go bragging about it but why lie and say nothing happened so whatever … so I tell AG that I felt really bad about how it all went down when he was putting in all the work and being all nice and hitting on me then RK just swoops and and takes over like, he said that its just the way he is; however he then tells me that RK told him that it was payback for AG doing the same thing to him like 2 months ago or something !!! I was so fucking pissed!! I mean why be like that? I’m soooo mad that I got played like that. Its just bullshit!!! Whatever so that put a real quick end to my crush on RK, I don’t need that kind of drama and games in my life right now so what did I end up doing…taking AG home for the night and one little bonus to that is that I get to go go-carting on Sunday cause I have never been and he offered to take me J
This brings me to another point; I woke up Sunday morning feeling pretty low and bad about how things have gotten out of control with my behavior. I have been with 6 guys since my breakup and I don’t know why. I think I drink so that I don’t have to deal with the fact that CS has a new gf and then drinking leads to the bad choices I have been making…I don’t know its just hard to be alone and I really do think that I am trying to fill that void that I still have in my life…I need to stop and think and stop trying…I just feel so lost with it all. I thought I was doing alright but B said that I need to have huge reality check cause this can’t continue because I will never find what I want or need.
Now all about MO….We went on a couple dates back when I was going to university and that was it until one day I was creeping on facebook and found him and added him as a friend…we exchanged numbers and are going to go for drinks to catch up and remember old times, he has a gf but I’m glad that I can him back in my life cause I thought were really good together and can be great friends.
Towards the end of the night AG comes up to me and says that he knows what happened between me and RK and starts to tell me that the next day when everyone asked him what happened he said nothing, now I didn’t really want him to go bragging about it but why lie and say nothing happened so whatever … so I tell AG that I felt really bad about how it all went down when he was putting in all the work and being all nice and hitting on me then RK just swoops and and takes over like, he said that its just the way he is; however he then tells me that RK told him that it was payback for AG doing the same thing to him like 2 months ago or something !!! I was so fucking pissed!! I mean why be like that? I’m soooo mad that I got played like that. Its just bullshit!!! Whatever so that put a real quick end to my crush on RK, I don’t need that kind of drama and games in my life right now so what did I end up doing…taking AG home for the night and one little bonus to that is that I get to go go-carting on Sunday cause I have never been and he offered to take me J
This brings me to another point; I woke up Sunday morning feeling pretty low and bad about how things have gotten out of control with my behavior. I have been with 6 guys since my breakup and I don’t know why. I think I drink so that I don’t have to deal with the fact that CS has a new gf and then drinking leads to the bad choices I have been making…I don’t know its just hard to be alone and I really do think that I am trying to fill that void that I still have in my life…I need to stop and think and stop trying…I just feel so lost with it all. I thought I was doing alright but B said that I need to have huge reality check cause this can’t continue because I will never find what I want or need.
Now all about MO….We went on a couple dates back when I was going to university and that was it until one day I was creeping on facebook and found him and added him as a friend…we exchanged numbers and are going to go for drinks to catch up and remember old times, he has a gf but I’m glad that I can him back in my life cause I thought were really good together and can be great friends.
May 22, 2009
Looking back...
Saturday will be 2 months since my 3yr realtionship ended.... I have run through ever emotion known to man in these past two months and while I may not have really figured out what I want out of a partner, I am very well aware of what I do not want.
I have also learned a few things in this search of trying to find the person I once was.
* I have learned that I’m still a rockstar(thanks P!nk)
* I have learned that my true friends will be there for me through anything, day or night, no matter what the cost.
* I have learned that J’s laugh can help me heal more than all the rye and cokes in the world, he will never know how much he has helped his broken hearted aunt.
* I have learned that everything happens for a reason and even though I refused to believe it in the beginning I am now starting to see.
* I have learned that I need to stop trying to fill the void and to let things just happen and not to worry; it all comes out in the wash.
I have also learned a few things in this search of trying to find the person I once was.
* I have learned that I’m still a rockstar(thanks P!nk)
* I have learned that my true friends will be there for me through anything, day or night, no matter what the cost.
* I have learned that J’s laugh can help me heal more than all the rye and cokes in the world, he will never know how much he has helped his broken hearted aunt.
* I have learned that everything happens for a reason and even though I refused to believe it in the beginning I am now starting to see.
* I have learned that I need to stop trying to fill the void and to let things just happen and not to worry; it all comes out in the wash.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)